How many graduate students does it take to change a lightbulb ?
One - but it takes him nine years !
How many college Freshman does it take to change a lightbulb ?
They don't learn that untill their Sophomore year.
How many surrelaists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
Or : How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
Two - one to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub with
brightly colored bicycles .
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a peanutbutter sandwich ?
A 2,000 pound sandwich that sticks to the roof of your mouth !
Why did the elephant cross the road ?
It was the chicken's day off !
What do you get when you cross Dracula with a pig ? A hampire !
What goes tick...tick....tick...tick....tick.... woof ? A watch dog !
What was Beethoven doing after he died ? Decomposing !
What was Bach's favorite food ? Brandenburgers !
What's the difference between a church bell and a politician ?
A church bell peals from the steeple , and a politician steals from the people.
It was so cold the other day, I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets !
How do you get down off an elephant ? You can't. Down comes off of ducks .
Why are ducks the most overrated bird ? That's because they're not all they're
quacked up to be.
Did you hear about the dermatologist who started his practice from scratch ?
Did you hear about the guy who was half Jewish and half Japanese ?
When he was born, his parents had him circumcised at Behihana's !
Did you hear about the Jewish lawyer who went in to the restaurant business
and opened a Japanese restaurant called "Sosumi " ?
Department of redundancy department.
Incontinence hotline ... can you hold ,please ?
We're the IRS - we've got what it takes to take what you've got !
A penny saved is a government oversight .
Out of my mind . .; . . . be back in 15 minutes .
Which classical CDs are on your Chopin Liszt ?
Did you hear about the guy who fell into an upholstery machine ?
He's completely recovered now .
Did you hear about the butcher who backed up into a meat grinding machine ?
He got a little behind in his work.
Please forgive me for these, and don't ban me !