Thread: A Dark Moment

There are enough delightful characters on this forum, and most of you know me quite well, for me to think that this post won't be taken as an attention-seeking cry for sympathy, so I want to ask you what you do (or what you would do, should you be lucky enough to have not experienced this) if you were in great emotional and physical pain that you knew was here to stay.

I'm extremely ill at the moment. I'm supposed to be going back to university in two weeks (after 15 months away for ill health) and, though I'll get all the 'benefits' of being a disabled student, I don't think I will manage because my body is in such bad shape. My doctors are pretty ****ing useless - there are pills I really, really, really need, but which I don't have because they can't do their damn paperwork on time. So, as it stands, I'm at home all day every day, the oddball of the family; I don't have many friends at all - none round here; and my partner is a long, long way away, so I'm depressed, lonely, and suffering.

/end probably inappropriate post. :/

Originally Posted by Polednice

There are enough delightful characters on this forum, and most of you know me quite well, for me to think that this post won't be taken as an attention-seeking cry for sympathy, so I want to ask you what you do (or what you would do, should you be lucky enough to have not experienced this) if you were in great emotional and physical pain that you knew was here to stay.

I'm extremely ill at the moment. I'm supposed to be going back to university in two weeks (after 15 months away for ill health) and, though I'll get all the 'benefits' of being a disabled student, I don't think I will manage because my body is in such bad shape. My doctors are pretty ****ing useless - there are pills I really, really, really need, but which I don't have because they can't do their damn paperwork on time. So, as it stands, I'm at home all day every day, the oddball of the family; I don't have many friends at all - none round here; and my partner is a long, long way away, so I'm depressed, lonely, and suffering.

/end probably inappropriate post. :/

Hi Polednice,

I'm really sorry to hear this. I greatly enjoy your presence on this forum. You needn't worry about it being attention seeking, I'd be happy to talk to you if you wanted as well. In fact I think I'll PM you.

Originally Posted by clavichorder

I'd be happy to talk to you if you wanted as well. In fact I think I'll PM you.

That would make me smile!

Polednice, I don't think anybody here would ever think that your post is inappropriate.
You are very much liked here, and we all feel for you and worry about your condition.
Hopefully your doctors will get their act together and provide some relief.
Don't worry too much about university, buddy; if you feel you can't do it right now, then don't; take it easy, and try to focus on getting well.
I'm sure you'll get better and will continue your studies at some other point.
Hang in there, and do know that your penpals at TC are rooting for you.

Originally Posted by Almaviva

Don't worry too much about university, buddy; if you feel you can't do it right now, then don't; take it easy, and try to focus on getting well.
I'm sure you'll get better and will continue your studies at some other point.

I try to think like this as much as possible - and usually succeed! Of course, sometimes, as a young, all-or-nothing whippersnapper, it can seem like not being able to do something right away is the end of the world!

Thank you for your kind words - I can't say how much it means to me to have such wonderful friends on here.

Universities kill the mind by degrees... Not to sound flippant, just that a joke is sometimes the only way to deal with the darker moments. I wish I had an answer, but I don't. When things get tough, my family have got into the habit of quoting Churchill's sign-off to war-time memoranda - KBO (Keep Buggering On!)

And wanted to second Almaviva - that we're rooting for you.

KBO!

Originally Posted by Polednice

Of course, sometimes, as a young, all-or-nothing whippersnapper, it can seem like not being able to do something right away is the end of the world!

True words.

@ Polednice, I'm probably old enough to be your father, so when I tell you this it's coming from both my heart and my experiences; even if you don't/can't accomplish something that is important to you in your life on the first "go", you will, eventually. The main thing--as one of our fellow members so aptly points out--is for you to get well and strong. Whatever it is that's out there for you to be done, it will keep until you're ready to tackle it. And you will and you'll succeed mightily.
If there is anything I can do for you or get you, please don't hesitate to ask. And please listen to your father over here.
samurai aka Steve

Hang in there, mate!

Originally Posted by samurai

@ Polednice, I'm probably old enough to be your father, so when I tell you this it's coming from both my heart and my experiences; even if you don't/can't accomplish something that is important to you in your life on the first "go", you will, eventually. The main thing--as one of our fellow members so aptly points out--is for you to get well and strong. Whatever it is that's out there for you to be done, it will keep until you're ready to tackle it. And you will and you'll succeed mightily.
If there is anything I can do for you or get you, please don't hesitate to ask. And please listen to your father over here.
samurai aka Steve

Every day, my perspective always shifts dramatically between appreciating that I have long, happy decades ahead of me, and thinking that I cannot bear to trudge through the next few weeks or months to get to a happier place. I will think of your wise elder's advice to keep to the long-and-happy-life way of thinking! Thanks so much.

I also wish you the best. I haven't gone through something as bad as you describe (physical & mental pain combined), but I've been in some low points myself for sure (& seen others in that situation also). I think of this kind of adversity in a way that sometimes we have to scrape the bottom of the barrell before we rise to the top.

On a more practical note, have you thought about study via correspondence/online? That might be an option, it's more flexible than on-campus study, and obviously you don't have to travel to the uni, etc. This can be an option, it does have advantages (& disadvantages) like everything else. You can temporarily maybe do this or just defer study for longer until you feel better, etc.

I echo thoughts of others, I think it's a good thing to have you on TC. Eg. Brahms & Dvorak are among my favourites of that era, even though I don't know a fraction of their music as you do, still love it to the max (esp. their chamber things, unsurpassed for that time)...

Originally Posted by Sid James

I also wish you the best. I haven't gone through something as bad as you describe (physical & mental pain combined), but I've been in some low points myself for sure (& seen others in that situation also). I think of this kind of adversity in a way that sometimes we have to scrape the bottom of the barrell before we rise to the top.

That's a rather nice way of looking at it.

Originally Posted by Sid James

On a more practical note, have you thought about study via correspondence/online? That might be an option, it's more flexible than on-campus study, and obviously you don't have to travel to the uni, etc. This can be an option, it does have advantages (& disadvantages) like everything else. You can temporarily maybe do this or just defer study for longer until you feel better, etc.

I've briefly considered it before, but it sadly isn't feasible. My university has densely-packed terms with workloads and class environments that require a physical presence, and, because my area is so specialised (medieval English), I don't have a hope in hell of referencing even a fraction of the books I need unless I'm at the university library! My main trouble in this regard is with reading and writing because I have a chronic tiredness and concentration problem caused by my condition.

The most frustrating thing for me is that, after 15 months away from university on suspension already, I made the decision to return two months ago. Even that recently, I actually felt well enough to go back, but my condition is so unpredictable that it's only become clear in the past few weeks that my health has been deteriorating dramatically once again. My other concern on top of this is that, except for these new pills I should start taking soon, there is no more treatment I can have for my condition, so I have to seriously consider that this state of ill-health (or something near this) is permanent. Would that mean I can never be fit to do a degree? I don't know... :/

Originally Posted by Sid James

I echo thoughts of others, I think it's a good thing to have you on TC. Eg. Brahms & Dvorak are among my favourites of that era, even though I don't know a fraction of their music as you do, still love it to the max (esp. their chamber things, unsurpassed for that time)...

Thank you! It's so wonderful being here, and to know that I can talk about anything with this wonderfully diverse but always loveable group of people!

@ Polednice, Isn't there any way to exert more pressure on the doctor to sign off on the appropriate paperwork so you'd be able to get the meds you obviously so desperately need? Perhaps consulting an attorney who specializes in medical malpractice litigation might light a fire under somebody's ass, you think? Even the whiff of a possible lawsuit might motivate/cause the NHS {?} to sit up, take notice and then take action to help you by expediting the bloody paperwork, which appears to be at the crux of your problem.

I'd like to reiterate everything that's already been said: hang in there, get well soon, we're rooting for you, etc., etc... I've also found that when I'm mentally/emotionally distraught and alone as I imagine you must be, solace can be found in literature and music. Take a break from school. Pick a book that you think will help you relax, calm down, and feel better either by mirroring your own mental state or by pointing out the opposite mental state (whichever you feel like reading) and put on some background music. The music doesn't have to match the book as long as it's still strong. A joyful Haydn symphony in D major can be just as strong as Tchaikovsky's 6th. Lose yourself in the characters and the world of the book, at least for a while. While reading, though, don't lose sight of the future, of getting better. Constantly make connections between the book and your own life. Sympathize with the characters. Notice how they solved their problems and apply their solutions to your own life. Be inspired by them. Let their confidence become your own confidence. Learn from their mistakes. Let the characters strengthen you.

Marvelous way to pass the time. Don't let it get in the way of doing what needs to be done to get you better, though.

I really hope you can find the strength to get through this.

Originally Posted by Kopachris

I'd like to reiterate everything that's already been said: hang in there, get well soon, we're rooting for you, etc., etc... I've also found that when I'm mentally/emotionally distraught and alone as I imagine you must be, solace can be found in literature and music. Take a break from school. Pick a book that you think will help you relax, calm down, and feel better either by mirroring your own mental state or by pointing out the opposite mental state (whichever you feel like reading) and put on some background music. The music doesn't have to match the book as long as it's still strong. A joyful Haydn symphony in D major can be just as strong as Tchaikovsky's 6th. Lose yourself in the characters and the world of the book, at least for a while. While reading, though, don't lose sight of the future, of getting better. Constantly make connections between the book and your own life. Sympathize with the characters. Notice how they solved their problems and apply their solutions to your own life. Be inspired by them. Let their confidence become your own confidence. Learn from their mistakes. Let the characters strengthen you.

Marvelous way to pass the time. Don't let it get in the way of doing what needs to be done to get you better, though.

I really hope you can find the strength to get through this.

It's a marvellous suggestion, and it's what I truly love to do, but sadly my physical illness makes reading almost impossible.

@Samurai, I truly wish I knew how to exert pressure like that! When I was having trouble with receiving financial disability allowances, I got in touch with my local MP who sped everything along and made sure that I got my money, but I'm not quite sure how to go about it with doctors, especially as I couldn't afford anything like legal aid. I know that these people are extremely busy with a lot of patients to look after, but, with special cases like me, where I'm essentially immobilised at home instead of in a hospital, I wonder if they ever think how upsetting and traumatising it can be to essentially be told, "you have to sit and wait for X weeks before you'll get help." Out of sight out of mind, I suppose.