I feel it could use thinner orchestration in some parts to keep it from getting too overbearing and gray. Most of the electronic FX aren't executed very well. It almost sounds as if the whole orchestra is used through the whole piece. You could make it sound bigger by having just one part being sparsely orchd and rejoining the other timbres. I also feel as though its a tad too compressed overall.
Whatever low brass instrument that is on the right with the buzzy timbre (is it the tuba?) should be used a lot more sparingly, that would alleviate some of the bass heaviness that wears the ear down and open things up more.a lot of the time it is playing just to be playing and contributes little to the overall soundscape in most moments. For this piece, besides crescendos, I think it would be best to limit it to stabs rather than slowly legatoing up and down, seems more meandering than contributing.
Other than that, the melodies are actually good, the string writing is superb and definitely sounds of the idiom. Good vigorous use of percussion. The brass instruments at 1:23 don't work very well imo, is it the horns? I think this would be a good time for some sort of woodwind, perhaps bassoon with english horn or oboe an octave above with about half the horns that are currently being used, if not even just 1 or 2 of them in octaves doubling the ww.