I've been playing piano for a while and sing fairly competently and was also competent at the basics of clarinet, but I have never had the experience of "finding my instrument." I was very obsessed with this from an early age, and yet it never happened. I could see myself playing a wide variety of instruments and becoming a harp guy, or a mandolin guy, or a cello guy, or a bassoon guy, and quite a few other things. Piano wasn't really my choice, except I knew that it could be boring and yet be the most interesting of instruments all the same. Clarinet was the closest thing my band program in elementary school offered to the oboe, which is what I wanted at that point. I love being able to play harmonies myself, and yet I wonder if I had gotten involved in orchestral music and became skilled enough at an instrument at a younger age, I might be far more advanced than I am now and less aimless on my path to some kind of virtuosity. This summer, I went so far as to purchase a mandolin until I was required to take it back by my parents because I had used their money without their consent. I wasn't 100% sure of my decision to do that, and the fact that I was fighting against my parents made it feel like it wasn't something worth pursuing.
So, I'm wondering if there is such a thing as finding your instrument, something that just speaks to you and that you feel compelled to practice and learn things on and get better at without a significant forceful prodding from yourself. I have not been searching for a while. I tried Double Bass a few years ago and even had a teacher. That grew wearisome when I discovered that Bass parts bored me. I thought I had found some sort of unique solution in clavichords, harpsichords and lutes, and yet the fact that I have to build and maintain them and the fact that that proves to be an insurmountable obstacle to me, perhaps goes to show that I am not motivated enough. Perhaps I am not motivated enough in general or expect more magical realization than can ever happen, but I don't want cynicism to stop me from finding the thing that I would enjoy the most, the best fit.
And yet perhaps I'm not doing what I could be doing on piano. I certainly am not right now, and yet maybe there is a reason I'm not so motivated that has to do with the fact that I haven't discovered the most suitable instrument. For a while, I thought I could juggle multiple instruments, and yet I seem to be terrible at doing that, with any discipline for that matter.