View RSS Feed

Polednice

Me Needz Teh Food

Rate this Entry
by , Jun-09-2011 at 01:03 (999 Views)
Seeing as I'm in hospital and can't sleep, I thought I'd share my woes with you all, because I know you all love a depressing rant :)

---------------

I have an annoying headache and havenít been able to sleep so far this evening (despite a number of Tchaikovsky-accompanied attempts), so here I am writing aimlessly. Itís been 38 hours since my last meal Ė a pathetic little bowl of bland cornflakes, with a mocking sprinkling of sugar, and a bitter cup of tea Ė so, if you do the rather complicated maths involving a 72-hour fast, that means I have 34 hours to go. ****.

Well, if Iím lucky, I might not have to wait another 34 hours before the nurses get the phone call to ďStop the fast!Ē and rush to bring me an assortment of left-over cakes and biscuits from other patientsí evening meals. Last time I did this blasted fast, I was a mere 60 hours into the whole demi-starvation ordeal before I was able to sink my teeth into the most sublime lemon cup-cake ever made and force it down my gullet without savouring a single crumb. However, for the fast to end early, my blood sugar has to reach near-rock-bottom; and for that to happen, my pancreas has to still be mightily deformed.

So do I want a pancreas-gone-wild inside me, flinging insulin carelessly around my body? Well, yes actually. And I donít say that lightly just because Iím so pathetic that I canít handle another ~30 hours without food. I am desperate for my blood sugar to drop because, otherwise, there is no explanation for my symptoms: for my incessant, concentration-busting tiredness; for the searing pain in the middle of my back every time I eat; for the muscle tremors I have when Iíve accidentally missed a meal or done too much (i.e. five minutes) exercise. If I leave this hospital without being told that I need some more of my guts ripped out, then I will be in limbo. I donít have any parathyroids left; my pituitary is the innocent tumour in all this; so what the hell would be wrong with me?!

At the moment, things arenít looking good. My post-breakfast starting blood sugar was 9.8 mmol/L, and the following results (tests being every six hours until I drop below 2.5), have been in the range 5.7-3.9, the most recent being 4.4 (seeing as Iím not eating anything, I donít know how my blood sugar rose from 3.9 to 4.4 Ė quirky bodily thingamebobs, or just inaccurate machines?). I canít remember what Iíd dropped to by this time during my last fast, but I have a feeling I was at least hitting the low 3s.

All I know for sure is that, in the state I am in, I canít return to university. Thereís no conceivable way I could complete my degree with the kind of fatigue I experience on a daily basis. So, whatever the outcome of this fast (please donít let my painfully empty stomach be in vain!), I will just have to continue pushing for answers so I can get on with my life again.
Tags: None Add / Edit Tags
Categories
Personal

Comments

  1. itywltmt's Avatar
    At least, you have Internet access at the hospital - that has to be something of a comfort...

    I hope this doesn't sound too hollow, but get well soon and hang in there, buddy.

    Pierre
  2. Polednice's Avatar
    The internet has been a great saviour, actually. I wouldn't get it anywhere else - I have it here just because it's a teaching hospital, and I'm a student at the university :D
  3. Potiphera's Avatar
    Hi Polednice,

    Sorry to hear you are going through a rough patch. I hope you will be feeling much better soon.
    Best wishes
    Potiphera.
    Webernite likes this.
  4. Sid James's Avatar
    i also hope you get better. you are young & your body can recover quickly. don't worry too much about study/work, health is the most important, once you deal with that, you will be on the right path. just "hang in there" as pierre says above...
    Potiphera likes this.
  5. samurai's Avatar
    Polednice, I am so sorry to learn of your continuing physical and emotional travails. I wish I could say that I believed in God so that I could say a prayer for your quick and complete recovery; however, I'll say a prayer in my own secular way.
    Hang in there, buddy, we are all pulling for you!
    Sincerely,
    Steve Marcus