Me Needz Teh Food
by, Jun-09-2011 at 02:03 (1054 Views)
Seeing as I'm in hospital and can't sleep, I thought I'd share my woes with you all, because I know you all love a depressing rant :)
I have an annoying headache and havenít been able to sleep so far this evening (despite a number of Tchaikovsky-accompanied attempts), so here I am writing aimlessly. Itís been 38 hours since my last meal Ė a pathetic little bowl of bland cornflakes, with a mocking sprinkling of sugar, and a bitter cup of tea Ė so, if you do the rather complicated maths involving a 72-hour fast, that means I have 34 hours to go. ****.
Well, if Iím lucky, I might not have to wait another 34 hours before the nurses get the phone call to ďStop the fast!Ē and rush to bring me an assortment of left-over cakes and biscuits from other patientsí evening meals. Last time I did this blasted fast, I was a mere 60 hours into the whole demi-starvation ordeal before I was able to sink my teeth into the most sublime lemon cup-cake ever made and force it down my gullet without savouring a single crumb. However, for the fast to end early, my blood sugar has to reach near-rock-bottom; and for that to happen, my pancreas has to still be mightily deformed.
So do I want a pancreas-gone-wild inside me, flinging insulin carelessly around my body? Well, yes actually. And I donít say that lightly just because Iím so pathetic that I canít handle another ~30 hours without food. I am desperate for my blood sugar to drop because, otherwise, there is no explanation for my symptoms: for my incessant, concentration-busting tiredness; for the searing pain in the middle of my back every time I eat; for the muscle tremors I have when Iíve accidentally missed a meal or done too much (i.e. five minutes) exercise. If I leave this hospital without being told that I need some more of my guts ripped out, then I will be in limbo. I donít have any parathyroids left; my pituitary is the innocent tumour in all this; so what the hell would be wrong with me?!
At the moment, things arenít looking good. My post-breakfast starting blood sugar was 9.8 mmol/L, and the following results (tests being every six hours until I drop below 2.5), have been in the range 5.7-3.9, the most recent being 4.4 (seeing as Iím not eating anything, I donít know how my blood sugar rose from 3.9 to 4.4 Ė quirky bodily thingamebobs, or just inaccurate machines?). I canít remember what Iíd dropped to by this time during my last fast, but I have a feeling I was at least hitting the low 3s.
All I know for sure is that, in the state I am in, I canít return to university. Thereís no conceivable way I could complete my degree with the kind of fatigue I experience on a daily basis. So, whatever the outcome of this fast (please donít let my painfully empty stomach be in vain!), I will just have to continue pushing for answers so I can get on with my life again.