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Thread: Abridged: Opera Tales

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    Senior Member Sieglinde's Avatar
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    Default Abridged: Opera Tales

    Yeah, I'm getting to it again!

    This time, let's begin with Zauberflöte!


    Cast

    Sarastro (bass) - wise, huggable freemason/priest.
    Tamino (tenor) - the token Tenor Boy.
    Pamina (soprano) - the token Ingenue.
    Queen of Night (soprano Up To Eleven) - evil queen. She kills with high notes. Also Pamina's mom and possibly Sarastro's ex.
    Papageno (baritone) - the Rincewind of opera history. Steals the show.
    Papagena (soprano) - hot babe disguised as a hag.
    Monostatos (tenor) - evil black guard. Not very PC of Mozart.
    Sprecher (bass-baritone) - priest who puts Tamino on his place.
    Three ladies (one of each voice type) - Queen's amazon squad.
    Three boys (boy sopranos/trebles) - deus ex machina Fixer Sues.
    Two armoured men (tenor, bass) - guys with fire on their helmets. No, really.


    Act I

    Queen's realm, which is not quite so dark.

    Enter Tamino chased by a dragon.

    Tamino: Help! Help! I'm being chased by a dragon!
    Audience: You know, some guys KILL dragons instead of running away screaming.
    Tamino: Ah! I'm doomed! It will eat me!
    Dragon: Roast you first. I'm a cultured dragon, I don't like my food raw.
    Tamino: *faints*
    Audience: What a wimp.
    Three ladies: DIE, dragon!
    Dragon DIES.
    Three ladies: Yay! We saved the hottie!
    Lady 1: Mine!
    Lady 2: No, mine!
    Lady 3: Gtfo, mine!
    Catfight.
    Ladies: Ok, we all go back to report to our Queen. *exeunt*
    Papageno: Hi! I'm the funny guy who steals the show!
    Tamino: Where am I? And who is this dude in all feathers?
    Papageno: hello!
    Tamino: Did you slay the dragon?
    Papageno: DRAGON? Where? *checks* Wait, it's dead... *sigh of relief* Oh, of course I killed it! With my bare hands!
    Tamino: Wow!
    Papageno. Yeah, I'm THAT badass!
    Ladies: LIAR. *put a locket on his mouth* Hey, Tamino, wanna see this beautiful princess' picture?
    Tamino: Ooh, shiny! I'm totally in love now despite never meeting her! Which is a good excuse for an aria!
    Thunder, lightning and darkness.
    Tamino: What is it?
    Ladies: SHE COMES!
    Tamino: Who, Zalgo?
    Ladies: No, the Queen!
    The Queen appears with some really good special effects.
    Queen: Hi Tamino. Despite your obvious lyrical tenor nerdiness and cowardice, I think you're the best candidate to free Pamina. She was kidnapped by Sarastro who is a really EVIL wizard. If you free her, you can marry her. Now listen to my coloraturas.
    Tamino listens in awe.
    The Queen leaves. The darkness disappears.
    Papageno: Hm hm hmmmmm! (read: get this effin locket off me mouth!)
    Tamino: Sorry, I can't help you.
    Papageno: Mmmmmmmmmmmmm! (read: Your mom!)
    Ladies: Ok, Papageno, we take it off if you promise never to lie again.
    Papageno: Huh! Thanks.
    Ladies: Now let us give you some MacGuffins. Here's this flute for you, Tamino. And this magic bell thingie for you, Papageno.
    Papageno: Whut? Who said I want to go?
    Ladies: WE.
    Papageno: Oh crap.
    Boys: *appear* Hi. We'll guard you to Sarastro's dark dungeons.
    Everyone: Goodbye!
    Off our heroes go...


    Sarastro's Not Quite So Dark Dungeons. Monostatos is abusing Pamina.
    Pamina faints.
    Monostatos: Ha! Now I can finally have a kiss... wait, what is that THING there?
    Papageno: Same question.
    Both: Must be the Devil! GAHHHHHHHHHH!
    They run. Papageno returns.
    Papageno: Thinking better, it's just a black dude. Hi, Pamina!
    Pamina: Hi, birdie!
    Papageno: See, here's this prince who comes to rescue you. Any moment now.
    Pamina: Aw, you have a pic of him? He's so cute!
    Papageno: Let's escape.
    Pamina: Ok. But first a duet!
    Papageno: I can't get laid.
    Pamina: Oh, you surely will find a nice girl!
    They RUN.

    Tamino arrives with the boys.
    Boys: Bye now.
    Tamino: Hm. Three gates. I will not begin with the middle one, it would be too obvious.
    He tries the other two and gets his head yelled off plus some frightening special effects.
    Tamino: ...or perhaps the middle one is the best idea.
    Sprecher: Hello, young padawan!
    Tamino: Is this Sarastro's realm?
    Sprecher: Yea.
    Tamino: I want to kill him! He's evil!
    Sprecher: You sure?
    Tamino: Pamina's mom told me.
    Sprecher: You believed a WOMAN? (We're not being politically correct again.) See, it was a lie. Sarastro is totally cool.
    Tamino: Ok, I believe you.
    Sprecher: Wanna be a freemason?
    Tamino: I'll think about it.
    Sprecher: Well, bye.
    Tamino: Now what? Is Pamina even alive?
    Unseen Chorus: Yep, she's fine.
    Tamino: Wait! I have a MacGuffin! I can use it!
    He does so. Dancing animals come from everywhere but not Pamina.
    Tamino: ...I have to practice this.

    Papageno and Pamina are almost caught by Monostatos & co.
    Papageno: Wait! I too have a MacGuffin! *plays bells*
    Monostatos & co: *dance away*
    Pamina: Wasn't that Tamino's flute?
    Papageno: Sure! Let's find him!

    The orchestra gives away Sarastro is coming.

    Pamina: Oh no, we're screwed now. It's Sarastro.
    Papageno: *shudder*

    Sarastro and his people come in. They fangirl him. Glorious sunlight.

    Pamina: Oh, lord, I wanted to escape, but Monostatos almost kissed me! Please have mercy!
    Sarastro: It's all right. Alas, I can't let you go but I'm totally nice.
    Monostatos: Lord! We caught this stalker! *drags in Tamino*
    Pamina and Tamino SEE each other.
    Sarastro: Ok, looks like this is settled. Monostatos, you get a good spanking. Tamino and Papageno, prepare for various dangerous tests.
    Monostatos: Wait, what?
    Tamino: I'm ready. I grew some balls since the dragon incident.
    Papageno. DO NOT WANT!
    Priest: Hey, you can get a girl too!
    Papageno. Ok, I'm in.
    Chorus: All hail Sarastro!


    To be continued.
    Last edited by Sieglinde; Apr-13-2011 at 18:36.

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  3. #2
    Senior Member Aksel's Avatar
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    Oooh, oooh, I want to do this as well!

    FALSTAFF:

    Cast:
    Sir John Falstaff: Baritone. Handsome, young, amiable, in short, the ultimate Shakespearean superhunk. At least that's what he thinks.
    Bardolfo: Bass. All around drunk and pickpocket. But at least he has honor.
    Pistola: Tenor. See above.
    Dr. Cajus: Tenor: French doctor with the temperament of a lemming. Slight danger of him exploding in the 1st act.
    Mine host of the Garter: Mute and generally just brings Falstaff his sack.
    Alice Ford: Soprano. The recipient of a love-letter from Falstaff.
    Nannetta: Soprano. The young lover type. Would rather be buried in cabbages than marry Dr. Cajus, to whom she is betrothed.
    Mrs. Quickly: Contralto. Supposed to be Dr. Cajus' Maid, but is really just a friendly contralto neighbour.
    Meg Page: Mezzo-soprano. See: Alice Ford. Also, not very fond of the 100th psalm to the tune of Greensleeves.
    Ford: Baritone. Married to Alice Ford. Of the rather jealous type. Also, he has an affection for running water.
    Fenton: Tenor. Your standard young tenor in love. Sings only in duets with Nannetta.

    Argument:

    Act I, scene I:
    [Falstaff, Bardolph and Pistol]
    [Enter Dr. Cajus]
    Dr. Cajus: Falstaff, you've beaten my servants.
    Falstaff: Sure. What'cha gonna do?
    Dr. Cajus: Why you ... If you weren't so fat, I'd give you a right thrashing. By gar. But someone did rob me.
    Pistol: Not me. So it was Bardolph. Promise.
    Bardolph: It wasn't me either. Promise And besides, you were drunk out of your five sentences, and things happen ...
    Dr. Cajus: (Growing ever angrier) It must have been one of you. Oh well. As long as I live, I shall only be drunk among pious, sober folk.
    Bardolph & Pistol: Aaaaaaaaamen.

    Falstaff: I have some letters here. Take them to Meg Page and Alice Ford. I will make them my West Indies, or something.
    Point is, he wants their husbands money, because apparently, they're swimming in it. Falstaff isn't.
    Pistol: Nuh-uh
    Bardolph: No way.
    Falstaff: Why not?
    Pistol & Bardolph: Honor.
    Falstaff: Honor? Why, GTFO, you rascals!


    Act I, Scene II:
    Enter Alice Ford, Meg Page, Nannetta, Quickly
    Alice, Meg, Nannetta, Quickly: Hi, you guize.
    I've got a letter!
    Meg: So have I!
    Alice: WTF?
    Meg: Promise. Read mine.
    Alice: Read mine.
    Meg: Dear Alice, I loves you. Plz love me. Yours sincerely, John Falstaff.
    Alice: See above, substitute Meg for Alice.
    All: He must be punished, that mountain of lard. He'll hump anything that moves.
    Exeunt women
    Enter Ford, Cajus, Bardolph, Pistol, Fenton
    All save Fenton: Falstaff's an *** and a Turk!
    Fenton: I don't care what they're saying. I just want Nannetta.
    Pistol: Ford, Falstaff covets thy wife. And he'll hump anything that moves.
    Ford: WTF? Falstaff's gross. But my wife is a woman, so that's probably why. Whatevs. I'll go be angry for a bit.
    Enter women
    All: O hai, you guize.
    All: Repeat
    Exeunt all except Fenton and Nannetta
    Fenton: I loves you, Nannetta
    Nannetta: I loves you too, Fenton
    Lovey-dovey love duet between our young lovers follows. They even kiss!
    Enter others
    All: Rinse, lather, repeat.

    Act II, Scene I:
    [Falstaff]
    Enter Bardolph and Pistol
    Bardolph and Pistol: We're like sorry.
    Falstaff: Ok. Whatevs.
    Exeunt Bardolph and Pistol
    Enter Mrs. Quickly
    Quickly: O hai, Falstaff. Alice Ford wants your body.
    Falstaff: Really?
    Quickly: Sure. She's free every day from two 'till three.
    Exeunt Mrs. Quickly
    Falstaff: John, you flaming hunk of manmeat.
    Enter Ford, dressed as Brook/Fontana
    Brook: Hello, fat man. I would like you to sleep with Alice Ford. Mkay? Here, take some money.
    Falstaff: Sure. Just let me get my things.
    Exeunt Falstaff
    Brook: Oh, how jealous I am. Then something about Germans and booze and not trusting his money to Dutchmen. Terribly un-PC stuff.
    Enter Falstaff
    Falstaff: Shall we go?
    Exeunt Falstaff and Ford

    Act II, Scene II
    Alice: Fat men should be put down. I'll exhibit a bill in Parliament!
    Quickly: Ladies, the fat knight is on his way
    Alice: Oh, goody!
    [Nannetta is crying]
    Alice: Nannetta, why are you crying?
    Nannetta: Dad wants me to marry that awful little Frenchman.
    Alice, Quickly, Meg: No way.
    Alice: I'd rather you'd be buried by cabbage. Now, arrange things like I want them.
    The others do so
    Alice: Yes, perfect. No, not like that. Arrange it again.
    Exeunt Meg, Nannetta and Quickly
    Alice starts playing the lute
    Enter Falstaff
    Falstaff: Alice, I loves you.
    Alice: I love you too, Falstaff
    Falstaff: I was thin once, you know.
    Enter Meg
    Meg: Alice, your husband is here!
    Alice: OMGWTF?! He wasn't supposed to come until later. Quick, John. Hide behind this screen.
    Enter Ford, Fenton, Dr. Cajus
    Ford: Where is he?
    Alice: Who?
    Ford: You know. The guy you're cheating on me with.
    Alice: Dunno.
    Ford: I'll search the entire house.
    On his way out, Ford fails to look behind the screen, that oaf.
    Exeunt Ford and Dr. Cajus
    Alice: Falstaff! Quick! Into this laundry basket that is conveniently placed here in my living room.
    Meg: He'll never fit
    Falstaff: Sure I will. Look!
    Falstaff gets into the laundry basket with considerable help from Quickly and Meg.
    Falstaff: This basket is too small.
    Fenton and Nannetta are now behind the screen
    Fenton: I love you, Nannetta
    Nannetta: I love you, Fenton.
    Enter Ford and Dr. Cajus
    Ford: Oh, look, there's a screen here. Maybe he's behind it?
    A kiss is heard from behind the screen, which makes Ford immediately jump to the conclusion that Falstaff is kissing his wife behind the screen, something that is rather dumb, since he can plainly see her wife, and there are no corpulent knight around her.
    The screen is torn down to reveal Nannetta and Fenton mid-kiss.
    Dr. Cajus: OMGWTF?! Ford, I thought I was going to tap that.
    Ford: Nannetta! Go away. We will discuss this later.
    Exeunt Ford once again
    Alice: Ned! Will! (two random servants) Take out the dirty washing and dump it in the river.
    Enter Ford
    Alice: Look, hubbie! There's that fat knight, all wet and dirty.
    All laugh.

    Act III, Scene I
    [Falstaff]
    Falstaff: Darn women and their seductive ways.
    [Enter Quickly. The rest are watching in the background]
    Quickly: Terribly sorry for the 'incident'.
    Falstaff: Get lost.
    Quickly: But Alice is still very much interested.
    Falstaff: Oh, goodie!
    Quickly: You just come dressed as the ghost of a famous knight with antlers on his head (heavy symbolism here. This is of course to illustrate Falstaff's still excellent libido. He is, if you will, horny) in the wood, and she'll meet you there.
    Falstaff: Can't wait!
    Exeunt Falstaff and Quickly
    Alice: Oh, how we will fool him! Nannetta, you will be the queen of the fairies!
    Nannetta: Yay!
    Ford (aside to Dr. Cajus): You'll get to marry Nannetta tonight. Promise. She'll be wearing a special dress.

    Act III, Scene II
    Enter Fenton
    Fenton: I still loves you, Nannetta (you'd think we'd gotten it by now, but apparently not)
    Nannetta (off stage): I still loves you, Fenton, dear.
    Exeunt Fenton
    Enter Falstaff
    Falstaff: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12. All dressed up and ready to go! Alice, here I am!
    Enter Alice
    Alice: Oh, John! I still love you!
    Enter fairies (chorus) and other characters
    Falstaff: Onoes! The fairies bring death to those who look at them.
    Fairies start pinching Falstaff
    Nannetta: Yo, fairies. Keep doing what you're doing.
    Falstaff: WTF? Bardolph? Not funny, you guys.
    Ford: That's for trying to sleep with my wife.
    Falstaff: Oh, OK then. I guess it's alright then.
    Ford: Now we must marry Nannetta and the Doctor.
    Brings forth Cajus and someone dressed like Nannetta. She is veiled. Also another masked couple. How very mysterious.
    Cajus: Yay, I'm married! But WTF? It's a man! I've married a man in a dress!
    Fenton: Yay, I married Nannetta!
    Falstaff: Lol, Ford. You can't do anything right.
    All: Lol.
    Last edited by Aksel; Apr-14-2011 at 00:10.

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    Senior Member Sieglinde's Avatar
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    "Quickly: O hai, Falstaff. Alice Ford wants your body."

    I lol'd so hard on this. Should be put on a fitting Quickly/Falstaff pic as a caption.

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    Senior Member sospiro's Avatar
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    These are brilliant! More please
    Ann

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    Senior Member Aksel's Avatar
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    Ok, one more, since I have other things to do that are somewhat more important to and the procrastinator in me is screaming. Loudly.
    The other three will hopefully follow rather soon.

    DAS RHEINGOLD by Richard Wagner

    Cast:

    RHINEMAIDENS:
    Woglinde: Soprano. Just a girl who though she could get away with being a total bitch. Also, she whines.
    Wellgunde: Soprano. See: Woglinde
    Floßhilde: Alto. See: Woglinde. Also, she reminds me of dental hygiene.

    GODS:
    Wotan: High bass. Boss-man and general douche to his wife. Seems to think he can have everything just because he is head god or something.
    Donner: High bass. He has a hammer, something that makes sense, since he is the god of thunder.
    Froh: Tenor. He has just about no defining characteristic. He just appears in a couple of scenes, and then we don't see him anymore.

    GODDESSES:
    Fricka: Low soprano. Wife of Wotan and really the one in charge. She is also the goddess of marriage and a general nag.
    Freia: Soprano. General manager of the Valhalla branch of Elizabeth Arden. Also totally hawt.
    Erda: Contralto. General pessimist and tells everyone, especially Wotan to watch out. We'll see how that goes ... Also, she is one foxy lady.

    NIBELUNGS:
    Alberich: High bass. An annoying dwarf with aspirations of climbing the social ladder.
    Mime: Tenor. Alberich's brother and loopy inventor.

    GIANTS:
    Fasolt: High bass. Has a total crush on Freia and plans on eloping. Whether she wants to or not.
    Fafner: Bass. Big brother, as witnessed by the difference in fach. Just wants to get payed. Only him, that is.


    ARGUMENT:

    Scene I
    In the river Rhine. IN it.

    [Enter Woglinde]
    Woglinde: Wawawawawagagaga
    [Enter Wellgunde]
    Wellgunde: Need some company?
    Woglinde: Sure.
    They play around a bit.
    [Enter Floßhilde]
    Floßhilde: Don't forget that super-secret gold we're guarding.
    [Enter Alberich]
    Alberich: I loves you, you strange women who live in a river.
    The Rhinemaidens: Eeeew. You're ugly.
    Alberich: (did not hear the Rhinemaidens, it seems) You're pretty. You wanna get with this?
    Woglinde: I want to. No, I don't. You're ugly.
    Wellgunde: I want to. Don't bother with Woglinde. Lol. Totally kidding. You're ugly.
    Floßhilde: Don't listen to the other two. Isn't he fetching, sisters? Totally not. You're ugly. Get away.
    Alberich: (apparently suffering from rather large illusions of grandeur, because these are rather pretty ladies, and his looks are not his biggest assets) I'll get one of you.
    Alberich totally fails.
    Rhinemaidens: Look! Shinies down below!
    Alberich: WTF?
    Rhinemaidens: It's the Rhinegold, silly. You really are thick as a plank, aren't you. But if you renounce love, you can make a ring and become master of the universe.
    Alberich: I'll never get love from these ladies, so I'll might as well renounce love. Then I can have all the ladies I want. (Alberich obviously hasn't been rejected by a woman before. Ever. If he had just moved on, the story might have ended here)
    Alberich takes the lump of gold.
    Rhinemaidens: Onoez!1


    Scene II
    In front of Valhalla, the celestial palace of the gods
    (Fricka and Wotan (sleeping))
    Fricka: Wotan. Wake up. The castle is finished. Now the giants will take Freia. You big oaf. How could you allow this? Really, I'm so disappointed in you. Promising away my own sister to some giants you don't even know. Really now. I'm so disappointed.
    Wotan: Shut up, woman. I was just kidding. I didn't really mean it.
    Fricka: You're still a major douche.
    [Enter Freia]
    Freia: Help, sister. The giants are coming for me!
    Wotan: Balderdash! Didn't you see Loge?
    Fricka: Loge lies, and you know it.
    Freia: You're not helping! Donner! Froh! Maybe you can be a bit more useful than these two oafs.
    Fricka: They are also douches. That's why they're not coming.
    [Enter Fasolt and Fafner]
    Fasolt: Castle finished. We want Freia. Now.
    Wotan: What is it that you want?
    Fasolt: Freia.
    Wotan: Hah! Fooled ya! Freia's not leaving.
    Giants: Wotan is a douche.
    Wotan: Freia's too pretty for you. Come on.
    Fasolt: Don't make fun! It not our fault we not be very pretty.
    Fafner: Freia runs the local beauty parlour that helps the gods stay young and healthy. We must kidnap her!
    [Enter Froh and Donner]
    Froh, Donner: Stand back, you brutes. You're not taking our Freia.
    [Enter Loge]
    Loge: Yo, peeps. There is this dwarf that has a treasure we can give the giants.
    Giants: We'll take the gold.
    Loge (to gods): This dwarf also made this ring that makes him master of the universe.
    Fricka: Is that ring suitable for women?
    Wotan: I wants the ring! Now!
    Loge: It is the Rhinemaidens'.
    Fricka: ****** them.
    Giants: We want the gold. Go get it for us. But we're keeping Freia as ransom
    [Exeunt giants and Freia]
    The gods suddenly get very tired.
    Loge: Freia's apples are rotting. Too bad for you.
    Wotan and Loge: Bye, you guys! We're getting that dwarf's treasure.


    Scene III
    Subterranean cave
    (Alberich, Mime)
    Alberich: Mime, give me my magic helmet, you idiot!
    Mime: But it's not finished!
    Alberich: Nonsense!
    Alberich puts on the "helmet" (really just a hood-like contraption)
    Alberich: Lol. Now I'm invisible.
    Mime: Where are you?
    Albrerich starts beating Mime
    Alberich: Tremble before me, mortals!
    [Exeunt Alberich]
    [Enter Wotan and Loge]
    Loge: Yo, Mime. Why are you so sad?
    Mime: Alberich has made a magic ring that makes him know where all the treasure is. And we have to find it for him. I'm tired. Also, I had to make him a helmet. But I miscalculated and now the helmet is more powerful than intended. I'm such a stupidhead. But who are you? (And maybe more importantly: Why has Mime told two complete strangers all this?)
    Loge: Friends. Promise.
    [Enter Alberich]
    Alberich: I'm hideously rich! None of you are! LOL. Who are you?
    Loge: I'm Loge.
    Alberich: I don't like you gods. I'll kill you all one day.
    Loge: Yeah yeah. But I heard you can transform yourself into anything you want with that helmet of yours?
    Alberich: Yeah. Wanna see?
    Loge: Sure. Do anything you want.
    Alberich turns himself into a large snake.
    Loge: Wow.
    Alberich (not a snake anymore): Yeah, I know.
    Loge: But can you turn into something really small? Like a frog?
    Alberich (who is rather stupid as well as rather fugly): Sure thing.
    Loge and Wotan catch Alberich and tie him up.


    Scene IV
    Plain on a mountaintop
    Wotan: We want your treasure.
    Alberich: You asses! But OK. Just let my hand free and I'll call the Nibelungs.
    Loge: And we'll take your helmet.
    Wotan: And the ring.
    Alberich: No way.
    Wotan grabs the ring and tears it off Alberich's finger.
    Alberich (now free): I curse the ring and all who wear it!
    [Exeunt Alberich]
    [Enter Fricka, Donner, Froh]
    Froh! You're back! We miss Freia!
    [Enter Fasolt, Fafner, Freia]
    Fasolt: We want treasure. Now.
    Wotan: There's the gold
    Fasolt: I love you, Freia. We must cover her in treasure. Then I might forget her.
    They pile treasure onto Freia. Loge still has the helmet and Wotan the ring.
    Fafner: We can still see her. We need the helmet as well.
    Fafner: We can still see her. We need Wotan's ring as well.
    Wotan: But I don't wanna!.
    [Enter Erda]
    Erda: Wotan, give up that ring. Nao! It will all end in complete misery if you don't.
    Wotan: WTF? Who are you?
    Wotan gives the giants his ring, and they are pleased.
    Fasolt: I want half of the treasure!
    Fafner: Fat chance.
    Fasolt (to the gods): You decide how the treasure is split.
    Loge (to Fasolt): Take the ring.
    Fasolt (to Fafner): I want the ring!
    Fafner: No way!
    Fafner beats Fasolt to death
    Wotan: Onoez! The curse!
    Rhinemaidens: The goooold! We want the goooold!
    Wotan: Whatevs. Let's go into Valhalla.
    The gods enter Valhalla on a rainbow bridge. Not sure which one is gay, though ...
    Rhinemaidens: The goooold! We want the goooold!

    END.
    Last edited by Aksel; Apr-17-2011 at 01:28.

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    Senior Member Almaviva's Avatar
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    Hehehe, very funny, Aksel. Just a small correction: it's not because of the ring that Alberich can change into animal forms. It's the Tarnhelm.
    "J'ai dit qu'il ne suffisait pas d'entendre la musique, mais qu'il fallait encore la voir" (Stravinsky)

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    Senior Member Aksel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Almaviva View Post
    Hehehe, very funny, Aksel. Just a small correction: it's not because of the ring that Alberich can change into animal forms. It's the Tarnhelm.
    Oops. Slight slip of the finger. I did know that. Promise.

  11. #8
    Senior Member World Violist's Avatar
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    I have a quicker one for the Ring: Nothing of any significance whatsoever happens because everything turns out the same after as it was before. A lump of gold was stolen and atheism became valid when the gold was returned. No biggie.

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  13. #9
    Senior Member Aksel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by World Violist View Post
    I have a quicker one for the Ring: Nothing of any significance whatsoever happens because everything turns out the same after as it was before. A lump of gold was stolen and atheism became valid when the gold was returned. No biggie.
    Even shorter:
    Who knew a lump of gold could cause so much trouble?

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    Senior Member Sieglinde's Avatar
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    I wrote a Rheingold before...

    http://operahumor.blogspot.com/2010/...rheingold.html

    And there's always Russell!

  16. #11
    Senior Member Sieglinde's Avatar
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    I promise I'll finish Zauberflöte later, but now... something completely different!

    Grimes on Facebook!



    Peter Grimes registered on Facebook on 04.03.1830.
    *Peter added Ellen Orford and Captain Balstrode as Friends.
    Admin Swallow posted on Peter's wall.
    Swallow: Hi! Don't forget to attend the event tomorrow!
    Peter: *pokerface*
    Mrs. Sedley joined the group of "Anonym Addicts"
    Swallow, Ned Keene, Auntie, Mrs. Sedley and 128 others are going to attend the event "Is Grimes A Murderer?" tomorrow.
    Swallow: Let's keep it ambiguous.
    Mrs. Sedley: Boo!
    Ellen: I know you're innocent.
    The conductor added the "First Sea Interlude" plugin to Firefox.
    *11569 people like this.
    Auntie: Nice morning!
    *32 people like this.
    Peter: Help me, k?
    Bob Boles: Google iz ur friend, lololol. *trollface*
    Captain Balstrode and Ned Keene helped Peter.
    Peter added Ned Keene to Friends.
    Peter ordered "John" from Orphanage Webshop.
    *Ellen Orford likes this.
    45 people commented this post.
    Hobson: Guess it's ok if Ellen likes it.
    *Hobson secretly likes Ellen*
    Balstrode linked "Weather Forecast" to the Borough main community.
    Auntie: Hehe, come into the Boar before you get soaked!
    *132 people like this.
    Peter: You all suck. I prefer the storm.
    - Captain Balstrode: C'mon Peter, loners are freaks.
    - - Peter: I want to change my relationship to Ellen from "Friends" to "Married".
    - - - Balstrode: What holds you back, dude?
    - - - - Peter: PRIDE!
    The conductor added the "Second Sea Interlude" plugin to Firefox.
    The Borough has a group event at The Boar.
    Mrs. Sedley has been warned by Group Admin Auntie for Trolling.
    Ned Keene: O hai! Looks like Grimes' hut was almost flooded.
    *124 people like this.
    Mrs. Sedley: Only ALMOST? FFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU-
    Mrs. Sedley has been warned by Group Moderator Captain Balstrode for Swearing.
    Peter: I'm like, totally soaked.
    *124 people like this.
    Peter posted a Youtube video titled "Now the Great Bear and the Pleiades"
    Peter commented on the video: That's how I feel right now.
    The Borough Group commented on the video: WTF.
    Hobson, Ellen and John joined the event.
    Peter: 'Ello. Let's go home.
    Borough Group commented on this post: *facepalm*

    The conductor added the "Third Sea Interlude" plugin to Firefox.
    The Borough Group attends the event "Church".
    Ellen posted on John's wall.
    - Hi! I knit you a nice sweater!
    - How's work with Peter, btw?
    - You're not very talkative.
    - Did he beat you?
    - Peter, you idiot!
    Peter posted on Ellen's wall.
    - STFU bitch!
    The Borough Group attends the event "Manhunt".
    The conductor installed the "Passacaglia" plugin.


    Peter posted "Forever Alone" on his wall.
    Peter poked John.
    Peter poked John.
    John: :'(
    Peter: STFU! I'm the tragic hero here!
    John: *sniff*
    Peter rehearsed his Mad Scene.
    Peter: Look! Fishes! Quick, let's go!
    *John tried to climb the Cliffs Of Insanity and failed.
    Peter: Oh, ****.
    Borough Group joins the event.
    Swallow: Well, nothing to see here. Nice wall photos. Bye.
    Captain Balstrode investigates.


    The Borough Group attends the "Evening Dance" event.
    Swallow posted on the Nieces' wall.
    - I can has sex?
    Nieces: No.
    Mrs. Sedley practices "Sneaking Around".
    Ellen posted to Captain balstrode's wall.
    - I found John's sweater! Emergency!
    Ellen posted a Youtube video titled "Embroidery".
    Captain Balstrode commented the video: *facepalm*
    Mrs. Sedley sent a PM to Swallow.
    - Hi! I have proof Peter is a murderer!
    The Borough Group attends the event "Manhunt 2.0"

    The conductor added the "Fourth Sea Interlude" plugin to Firefox.
    Peter added Davy Jones to his friends.
    Peter is performing his "Mad Scene".
    Ellen posted on Peter's wall.
    - Come, I'll take you home and give you a hug!
    Balstrode posted on Peter's wall.
    - Seriously dude, get off the internet!
    Peter deleted his account.

    The Borough Group: Nice morning.
    Auntie: Any news?
    Swallow: Nope.
    The Borough Group attends the "Usual Morning Activities" event.




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  18. #12
    Senior Member Couchie's Avatar
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    Heavily abridged Der Ring des Nibelungen :

    [yt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cv7G92F2sqs[/yt]
    [yt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WduYrwAGews[/yt]
    [yt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ypisVrbqDqE[/yt]

  19. #13
    Senior Member Aksel's Avatar
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    Anna Russell! I love her!

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