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Thread: Some Really Silly Jokes

  1. #316
    Senior Member geralmar's Avatar
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    Senior Member TxllxT's Avatar
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    To an orthodox Jew comes his son and asks if he may get married.
    He asks what is her surname.
    'Ivanova'.
    'No, you cannot'.
    After some time his son comes again and tells his father he has found a new bride.
    He asks what is her surname.
    'Smith'
    'No, you cannot'.
    Again after a long time he comes to his father, saying he has found another bride.
    He asks what is her surname.
    'Goldberg'.
    'Excellent, my son! And what is her first name?'
    'Whoopy'.
    All we like sheep

  4. #318
    Senior Member TxllxT's Avatar
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    One Jewish woman tells another Jewish woman:
    'My husband has bought a water bed'.
    'Oh, how wonderful! You will make love on the waves!'
    'Judging from his activity it will be more like a cruise on the Dead Sea'.
    All we like sheep

  5. #319
    Senior Member TxllxT's Avatar
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    'Abraham! Why are you crying?'
    'I was at the dentist's for pulling my teeth'.
    'How much did he pull from you?'
    '200 bucks'.
    All we like sheep

  6. #320
    Senior Member Dorsetmike's Avatar
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    A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two-tyred.

    A man’s last will and testament is a dead give away.
    I'm like my avatar .................. a local ruin

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  8. #321
    Senior Member Fritz Kobus's Avatar
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    How does NASA organize a party?
    They planet.


    My teachers told me I’d never amount to much because I procrastinate so much.
    I told them, “Just you wait!”


    I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger.
    Then it hit me.


    Which rock group has four guys who can’t sing or play instruments?
    Mount Rushmore.



    How do mathematicians scold their children?
    “If I’ve told you n times, I’ve told you n+1 times …”
    Last edited by Fritz Kobus; Jun-11-2019 at 19:46.
    "All of Italian opera can be heard in [Bellini's] "Ah! non creda [mirarti]."
    --Renata Scotto in "Scotto, More Than a DIva."

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  10. #322
    Senior Member geralmar's Avatar
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    Senior Member KenOC's Avatar
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    All witness the death of democracy in the US: "Biden cheered by crowd after promising cancer cure if elected president"


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  13. #324
    Senior Member Dorsetmike's Avatar
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    (copied from another forum)

    Anybody want to a buy a vacuum cleaner? Mine's just gathering dust.

    (to which someone replied ------

    Mine sucks!
    I'm like my avatar .................. a local ruin

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  15. #325
    Senior Member Pat Fairlea's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dorsetmike View Post
    (copied from another forum)

    Anybody want to a buy a vacuum cleaner? Mine's just gathering dust.

    (to which someone replied ------

    Mine sucks!
    Hoover heck thought of that one?
    (I'm Dyson with death here...)

  16. #326
    Senior Member Dorsetmike's Avatar
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    While riding my Harley, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head. Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?"

    "I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.

    She said, “Get in and I’ll take you home so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head.”

    "That's nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife will like me doing that!"

    "Oh, come now, I’m a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly."

    Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this."

    We arrived at her place which was just a few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now."

    "Don't be silly!" she said with a smile, while unbuttoning her blouse. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"

    "Still in the ditch with my Harley, I guess."
    I'm like my avatar .................. a local ruin

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  18. #327
    Senior Member geralmar's Avatar
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    New Receptionist: Incidentally, there's no Doctor Urnew here, is there?


    Senior Receptionist: No. However, our patient is a famous European musician!


    New Receptionist: Hmmm ... I sent that woman away 'cause she kept yelling "I vahn' Doc Nanny Ernew!"


    Senior Receptionist: That's his Hungarian wife! Oh! ... Ernö von Dohnányi sure won't vahn' us anymore!
    Last edited by Roger Knox; Jun-21-2019 at 16:20.

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  22. #329
    Senior Member geralmar's Avatar
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    Last edited by geralmar; Jun-21-2019 at 15:52.

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  24. #330
    Senior Member Dorsetmike's Avatar
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    When I was feeling down, a friend said, "It could be worse, you could be stuck in a hole full of water".
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    I knew he meant well.
    I'm like my avatar .................. a local ruin

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