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Thread: Some Really Silly Jokes

  1. #451
    Senior Member Dorsetmike's Avatar
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    A man walks into a bar. As he sits down, he looks up and notices three pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He asks the bartender, “What’s with the meat?”

    The bartender says, “If you can jump up and slap all three pieces at once, you get free drinks for an hour. If you miss even one, you have to pay for everyone else’s drinks for the rest of the night. Wanna give it a go?”

    The man takes another look at the meat, then says, “I think I’ll pass. The steaks are too high.”
    I'm like my avatar .................. a local ruin

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  3. #452
    Senior Member Dorsetmike's Avatar
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    Where is the Land of the Rising Sun?

    I don’t know – I don’t get up that early
    I'm like my avatar .................. a local ruin

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  5. #453
    Senior Member senza sordino's Avatar
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    Will glass coffins be successful?
    Remains to be seen

    I went to the zoo yesterday. All they had was a single dog
    It was a shih tzu

    Why a man marries a woman is a mystery.
    Why a man marries many women is a bigamistery
    Last edited by senza sordino; Sep-28-2019 at 18:38.

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  7. #454
    Senior Member Dorsetmike's Avatar
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    Ever tried eating a clock? It's very time consuming.
    I'm like my avatar .................. a local ruin

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  9. #455
    Senior Member Luchesi's Avatar
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    Why can't you hear when a pterodactyl is using the bathroom?

    because the p is silent
    Tradition is not the worship of ashes - but the preservation of fire!
    Gustav Mahler

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  11. #456
    Senior Member TxllxT's Avatar
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    The more I get to know people, the more I understand why Noah only allowed animals to enter his ark.
    All we like sheep

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  13. #457
    Senior Member TxllxT's Avatar
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    - Abraham, do you pray before your meal?

    - Beg your pardon? Sarah is cooking very well!
    All we like sheep

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    Senior Member TxllxT's Avatar
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    When a woman is telling you that she loves her children more than her husband, do not believe her.
    Because she's willing to let her children to be looked after by the neighbor's wife, but her husband....never.
    All we like sheep

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  17. #459
    Senior Member geralmar's Avatar
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  19. #460
    Senior Member Dorsetmike's Avatar
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    Did you know they won't be making yardsticks any longer?
    I'm like my avatar .................. a local ruin

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  21. #461
    Senior Member EdwardBast's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by geralmar View Post
    I get the joke but, in fact, squirrels empty that kind of feeder as fast as they can eat.

    What greater comfort does time afford than the objects of terror re-encountered and their fraudulence exposed in the flash of reason?
    — William Gaddis, The Recognitions

    Originality is a device untalented people use to impress other untalented people and to protect themselves from talented people.
    Basil Valentine

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  23. #462
    Senior Member Dorsetmike's Avatar
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    Brenda made an appointment to see her doctor, because she was worried about her husband's bad temper.
    Doctor Thomas asked "What's the problem?"
    Brenda replied "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband Jimmy seems to lose his temper for no reason. It's beginning to scare me."
    The Doctor said "I have a cure for that. When it seems that he's getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth.
    Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until he either leaves the room or calms down."
    Two weeks later Brenda returned to the doctor looking fresh and happy.
    She said "Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband started losing it, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and he calmed right down!
    How does a glass of water do that?"
    Dr Thomas replied "The water itself does nothing..............



    It's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick."
    I'm like my avatar .................. a local ruin

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  25. #463
    Senior Member Ingélou's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dorsetmike View Post
    Brenda made an appointment to see her doctor, because she was worried about her husband's bad temper.
    Doctor Thomas asked "What's the problem?"
    Brenda replied "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband Jimmy seems to lose his temper for no reason. It's beginning to scare me."
    The Doctor said "I have a cure for that. When it seems that he's getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth.
    Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until he either leaves the room or calms down."
    Two weeks later Brenda returned to the doctor looking fresh and happy.
    She said "Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband started losing it, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and he calmed right down!
    How does a glass of water do that?"
    Dr Thomas replied "The water itself does nothing..............



    It's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick."
    They were saying that in the 13th century!

    'Say me, wight in the brom,
    Teche me how I shule don
    That min housebonde
    Me lovien wolde.’

    ‘Hold thine tunge stille
    And have al thine wille.’
    Last edited by Ingélou; Oct-13-2019 at 16:57.
    ~ Mollie ~
    My fiddle my joy.

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  27. #464
    Senior Member Luchesi's Avatar
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    A prisoner is told "If you tell a lie we will hang you; if you tell the truth we will shoot you." What can he say to save himself?

    Answer:
    You will hang me.
    Tradition is not the worship of ashes - but the preservation of fire!
    Gustav Mahler

  28. #465
    Senior Member Dorsetmike's Avatar
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    Why did Noah build the Ark out of wood?

    He couldn't find an ark welder.
    I'm like my avatar .................. a local ruin

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