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Thread: Some Really Silly Jokes

  1. #466
    Senior Member starthrower's Avatar
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    A cute prank! And a better real life secretary couldn't be found.
    Short-term thinkers are rewarded with reelection, while those who dare to take seriously our responsibility to future generations commonly find themselves out of office.

    - Marcia Bjornerud, Geologist

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    Senior Member TxllxT's Avatar
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    - Moshe, people say you got married.
    - Yes, that's true.
    - But how are things going, you like it, eh?
    - Smoking I'm not allowed. Walking outside I'm not allowed.
    - Do you feel pity that you got married?
    - Feeling pity I'm also not allowed.
    All we like sheep

  3. #468
    Senior Member Dorsetmike's Avatar
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    Daniel and Jessica, a young couple, got married and went happily on their honeymoon.
    When they got back, Jessica immediately 'phoned her mother and her mother obviously asked, 'How was the honeymoon, dearest?'
    'Oh, Mum,' she replied, 'the honeymoon was wonderful. So romantic...'
    Then Jessica burst out crying.
    'But as soon as we returned home Daniel started using the most ghastly language... saying things I've never heard before!
    I mean, all these awful 4-letter words!
    You've got to come get me and take me home.... Please Mum.'
    'Calm down, Jessica!,' said her mother, 'Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words?'
    Still sobbing, Jessica whispered, 'Oh, Mum ...

    Words like dust, wash, cook, and iron.'
    I'm like my avatar .................. a local ruin

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  5. #469
    Senior Member TxllxT's Avatar
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    Sarah: "Isa, you're a true miracle worker! We are going two weeks together and I'm already three months in pregnancy!"
    Last edited by TxllxT; Oct-25-2019 at 19:13.
    All we like sheep

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  7. #470
    Senior Member TxllxT's Avatar
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    - Vladimir Vladimirovich, how come that some many sites on the internet talk about renaming Peterburg to Putinburg? What is your opinion about this?
    - Well, Putinburg doesn't sound that fine. Peterburg we will rename to Putingrad and Putinburg will be how we rename Dresden.
    All we like sheep

  8. #471
    Senior Member TxllxT's Avatar
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    Dr. Cohen is working at the first aid department of a hospital. An elderly lady is entering. Dr. Cohen talks with her, investigates her, and says to her: "Dear mrs., I'm sorry to say but you are pregnant". Yelling and shrieking the elderly lady runs to the exit, where an other doctor is trying to comfort her. This doctor immediately goes for dr. Cohen. He says: "How in the world you are able to diagnose this old lady with being pregnant?!-- She's 78, mother and grandmother!"-- "She was completely out of her mind!"-- Says dr. Cohen: "Was she still troubled by hiccups?"
    All we like sheep

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  10. #472
    Senior Member Dorsetmike's Avatar
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    Joe was a heating and cooling technician. His assistant was a small chimpanzee he had trained to do all the duct work.
    The chimp had no fear of heights or confined spaces, and besides, he didn't have to be paid.

    One day, he got a call from a customer who said his air conditioner had broken down.
    Joe went over and discovered some defective ducting. The customer asked if it would be hard to fix.

    "No problem," replied Joe, "I have a little duct ape that will take care of it!"
    I'm like my avatar .................. a local ruin

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  12. #473
    Senior Member Dorsetmike's Avatar
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    If you are going to try cross-country skiing, Start with a small country.
    I'm like my avatar .................. a local ruin

  13. #474
    Senior Member geralmar's Avatar
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    Senior Member TxllxT's Avatar
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    - Abraham, tomorrow we will celebrate our marriage day; shall we kill the rabbit?
    - Why the rabbit? It was Benya who brought us together.
    All we like sheep

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  17. #476
    Senior Member geralmar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TxllxT View Post
    Dr. Cohen is working at the first aid department of a hospital. An elderly lady is entering. Dr. Cohen talks with her, investigates her, and says to her: "Dear mrs., I'm sorry to say but you are pregnant". Yelling and shrieking the elderly lady runs to the exit, where an other doctor is trying to comfort her. This doctor immediately goes for dr. Cohen. He says: "How in the world you are able to diagnose this old lady with being pregnant?!-- She's 78, mother and grandmother!"-- "She was completely out of her mind!"-- Says dr. Cohen: "Was she still troubled by hiccups?"
    Many years ago when I was in elementary school the principal was in our classroom on an informal visit. One of my classmates tugged on her dress and complained she had the hiccups. The principal glared at her and angrily accused her of committing some infraction. The classroom went dead silent. The girl was petrified. Then the principal smiled and said, "Cured you of the hiccups, didn't I?" I think today that might qualify as child abuse; back then it was one damned effective cure.

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  19. #477
    Senior Member geralmar's Avatar
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  21. #478
    Senior Member Fritz Kobus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by geralmar View Post
    And of course, the Engineer says the glass it larger than it needs to be.
    "All of Italian opera can be heard in [Bellini's] "Ah! non creda [mirarti]."
    --Renata Scotto in "Scotto, More Than a DIva."

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  23. #479
    Senior Member haydnguy's Avatar
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    See, I think the record companies should give out beer. The more you drink the better the albums look.

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    Senior Member mikeh375's Avatar
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    Vet..."Hello Mr Schrodinger, I have some good news and some bad news."

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