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Thread: Some Really Silly Jokes

  1. #106
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    TC musical historians:

    Did sheet music originate with the KKK?

    Jus' askin'.....

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  3. #107
    Senior Member Ingélou's Avatar
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    ~ Mollie ~
    My fiddle my joy.

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  5. #108
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    If elbows, hats and cell phones were regarded as "one thing" in the Fifties they clearly didn't have much in the way of numeracy either.

    In other news, a new biopic of Mick Jagger is in production. Working title: "Pucker Lips Now".

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  7. #109
    Junior Member TennysonsHarp's Avatar
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    A boy comes home from school and says to his mother: "Ma, Ma, I had so much fun playing with the orchestra today!"

    His mother replies: "What was so fun, sweetie?"

    "We're performing the 1812 Overture, and I learned a new instrument!"

    "What instrument, sweetie?"

    "Field Artillery!"

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  9. #110
    Senior Member Kjetil Heggelund's Avatar
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    A young boy comes to his guitar-teacher and finds a gun in his guitarcase..."Oh, no! Now Dad's in the bank with my guitar!"

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  11. #111
    Senior Member Fritz Kobus's Avatar
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    Have you lost weight recently?

    I found it and would like to return it to you.
    "All of Italian opera can be heard in [Bellini's] "Ah! non creda [mirarti]."
    --Renata Scotto in "Scotto, More Than a DIva."

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  13. #112
    Senior Member aleazk's Avatar
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    Rene Descartes was having sex with his wife when their son slams the door of the house. "Do you think he heard us?", she asks, to which Rene replies "I think not", and then completely disappears.

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  15. #113
    Senior Member Larkenfield's Avatar
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    "Wanted: autobiographer"
    Last edited by Larkenfield; Sep-17-2018 at 04:08.

  16. #114
    Senior Member ldiat's Avatar
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    how does a farmer count his herd of cows??
    with a COWculator

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  18. #115
    Senior Member ldiat's Avatar
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    what is the medical term for having "too many dogs"?

    .................Roverdose

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  20. #116
    Senior Member Larkenfield's Avatar
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    SIGMUND DERMAN SAYS:

    I once went to a piano destruction concert. At the end we all applauded and called for an encore.

    But there was nothing left to play.
    Last edited by Larkenfield; Sep-17-2018 at 12:21.

  21. #117
    Senior Member Larkenfield's Avatar
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    Bugs Bunny’s new three-act ‘hopera’—“What’s up, Doc?”—with Elmer Fudd starring as Enrico Caruso, will be premiered in the cabbage patch at La Scala on October 1. Carrot salad, cannolis, cannabis, and champagne will be served as refreshments during the 3-hour nap and intermission the Italians are so fond of. Tickets are nonrefundable. —Lark
    Last edited by Larkenfield; Sep-28-2018 at 04:58.
    "That's all Folks!"

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  23. #118
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    A man was out of work and hoping to find a job with a circus. When the circus came to town, he saw a sign outside the big tent that read, "Acts wanted, apply within". He stepped inside the tent and found himself standing in a long line of people waiting to see the ringmaster. When it finally came to be his turn, the ringmaster looked him square in the eye and asked, "What's your act?" The man replied, "Well... I-I-I do bird impressions." "Bird impressions?," the manager responded incredulously, "Bird impressions? Are you kidding me? Everybody does bird impressions. Get outta here!" So the man exited the tent, and flew away.
    Last edited by Josquin13; Sep-28-2018 at 03:03.

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  25. #119
    Senior Member Totenfeier's Avatar
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    A man walks into an agent's office with his dog.

    "I got the greatest act in the world!" he announces. "My talking dog!"

    "Uh huh," sighs the agent, obviously unimpressed.

    "Hey Buddy!" says the guy. "What's on top of a house?"

    "Roof!" answers Buddy, excitedly wagging his tail.

    "Didja see that? Didja see that?" says the guy. "Now, Buddy, who was the greatest baseball player of all time?"

    "Roof!" answers Buddy, jumping up and down in excitement.

    The agent has them thrown violently out of his office.

    Dazed, Buddy asks the guy, "You think maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio?"

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  27. #120
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    Is Glazunov simply not Godunov?
    Facts don't care about your feelings.

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