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Thread: Why Bach is wretched: An homage

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    Senior Member KenOC's Avatar
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    Default Why Bach is wretched: An homage

    If composers can write tributes to other composers, then we can start threads as tributes to other threads. And there have been a few dillies lately. So I ask:

    Why does anybody listen to Bach? I mean OK, the guy could write several tunes diddling along at the same time. But so what? It's kind of like watching a dog walk on its hind legs -- amusing, but it grows tiresome quickly.

    Your views are welcomed and will be considered for fully what they're worth!


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    Senior Member Kieran's Avatar
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    Actually, now you mention the dog walking along, I'm convinced. I hadn't noticed before, and now I do. Bach has been getting a free ride for too long! It's blimming ridiculous!
    The Brain - is wider than the Sky

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    Icarus
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    I like Bach because I don't feel like I've missed much if I have to make a quick run to the bathroom in the middle of a performance.

    Not even when I'm sitting in the middle of the row and have to wake up a few of the other audience members getting in and out of my seat.

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    Senior Member Novelette's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KenOC View Post
    If composers can write tributes to other composers, then we can start threads as tributes to other threads. And there have been a few dillies lately. So I ask:

    Why does anybody listen to Bach? I mean OK, the guy could write several tunes diddling along at the same time. But so what? It's kind of like watching a dog walk on its hind legs -- amusing, but it grows tiresome quickly.

    Your views are welcomed and will be considered for fully what they're worth!
    KenOC, ever since Bach took your job, you've been raving incoherently.

    I prescribe a little Vitamin "B Minor Mass", to be taken with a generous helping of Vitamin A[lcohol].

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    Senior Member Blancrocher's Avatar
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    The way he embedded his own name in his music--what a narcissist.

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    Senior Member Couchie's Avatar
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    1. His name is "Bach": Impossible to anglicize it without sounding like an idiot, impossible to say it properly without sounding like a pretentious poof.

    2. His over-the-top and likely insincere humility: "I have worked hard" says Bach, "anyone who works just as hard will go just as far." Not likely. What an ***. Composers, if you die without having joined the ranks of Bach, Mozart, and Beethoven, well maybe you shouldn't have been such a useless slacker.

    3. His arrogant, putrid religiosity: "The sole purpose of harmony is the Glory of God; all other use is but idle jingling of Satan."

    4. Hundreds upon hundreds of mindless cantatas, need I say more? Thank god most of them were lost.

    5. Never had the balls to write opera. Content I suppose with pompous oratorios and his polyphonic sudoku puzzles.
    Doch dieses Wörtlein: und, -wär' es zerstört,
    wie anders als mit Isoldes eignem Leben wär' Tristan der Tod gegeben?

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    Senior Member KenOC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Blancrocher View Post
    The way he embedded his own name in his music--what a narcissist.
    Forkel wrote that Bach also carved his name into picnic tables, spray-painted it on concrete walls and abandoned buildings, and so forth. In this, Bach was an inspiration to Shostakovich.


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    Senior Member KenOC's Avatar
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    Couchie, sheer genius! I take back what I said about Wagner (though of course it's still true...)


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    Quote Originally Posted by Novelette View Post
    I prescribe a little Vitamin "B Minor Mass", to be taken with a generous helping of Vitamin A[lcohol].
    That's beautiful. I'd like to make that my tagline.

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    Senior Member Blancrocher's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KenOC View Post
    Forkel wrote that Bach also carved his name into picnic tables, spray-painted it on concrete walls and abandoned buildings, and so forth. In this, Bach was an inspiration to Shostakovich.
    Bach was a bad influence on DSCH, in my opinion. Total delinquent.

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    Senior Member Geo Dude's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Couchie View Post
    polyphonic sudoku puzzles.
    Brilliant!


    On a broader note, this thread gets five stars from me. Maybe now we need one on why Beethoven sucks. Mozart and Bach and Brahms might get lonely on their own. Might as well fill in the third B...

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    Senior Member Celloman's Avatar
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    Ok, so Bach wrote a cantata every single week. Ok, so most of his music has two or more tunes going on at the same time. Ok, so he could write a fugue with his eyes closed. So what? Big deal. Anybody could do those things.

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    Senior Member waldvogel's Avatar
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    If Bach is so great, why is he universally boycotted by the following instrumentalists: clarinet, saxophone, harp, trombone, tuba, Wagner tuba, all percussion except for tympani, synthesizer, electric guitar, ukulele, balalaika, gamelan orchestra, panpipes, sitar, pi-pa, shakuhachi, koto, thumb piano, didgeridoo, vibraphone, steel drums, bagpipes (thank God!), and skiffle band? That's a huge percentage of the world's population that won't play the guy's music.

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    Senior Member Celloman's Avatar
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    Not unless somebody arranges his music for them.

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    Senior Member nightscape's Avatar
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    I mean, if I came across a herd of sheep grazing, and they appeared safe enough, I suppose Bach would be appropriate. But other than that, I don't see his use.
    Last edited by nightscape; Jul-28-2013 at 03:58.

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