Thread: My favorite oboe jokes

The top ten reasons to play the oboe:

10. People pay attention long enough to figure out what the heck that thing is that you're playing.
9. Learning to transpose music as you play (from reading flute parts)
8. the case is a good weapon in emergencies; bigger than a flute case, can still act as a shield, and yet is still portable!
7. If you lose your music, the bells always have the same part.
6. If you lose your music, the flutes always have the same part.
5. If you lose your music, somebody at some point in the piece has the same part!
4. You can always hide in the clarinet section.
3. No one cares if you're not heard.
2. You always get your own stand.
1. No competition!!! (at least, not in the same band)


Top 5 reasons NOT to play the Oboe

5. Oboe reeds are more expensive than clarinet or sax reeds.
4. Having to learn to transpose music as you play (because there's not an oboe part in at least half the pieces the band will perform!)
3. Cutting your tongue on the reed.
2. Flutes hitting you in the shoulder.
1. Having to explain that it's an oboe and not a clarinet, every single day. (It will also be incumbent upon you to explain what the what is for. Only every other day, but it takes longer to explain why you have to soak your reed in water instead of using spit, especially for regular reed instrument players.

(The only editing that I did to any of these reasons is in the 5 reasons not to, I tok number 1 and made it 3 and made what was #3 #1.)


What's the difference between an oboist and a psychiatric ward patient?
The oboist just hasn't been caught yet

What's the difference between a bad oboist and a scud missile?
A bad oboist can kill you



Orchestra Personell Standards
(These are selections from my favorite ones; there are ones for conductor, concertmaster, oboist, bassoonist, trumpet player, second violinist, manager, and horn player)

Oboist
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds
Is almost as powerful as a switch engine
Is almost as fast as a speeding bullet
Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool
Talks with God if a special request is approved.

Second Violinist
Runs into buildings
Recognizes locomotives two times out of three
Is not issued any ammunition
Can stay afloat with a life jacket
Talks to walls, argues with self

Manager
Falls over doorsteps when trying to enter buildings
Says "Look at the choo-choo"
Plays in mud puddles
Loses arguments with self

Horn Player
Lifts buildings and walks under them
Kicks locomotives off the tracks
Catches speeding bullets in teeth and eats them
Freezes water with a single glance
is God




The last one is my favorite! lol

Have good oboe jokes? Let's hear them!

LOL. ..............