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Thread: My favorite oboe jokes

  1. #1
    Member Mozart_Oboe_Beethoven's Avatar
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    Default My favorite oboe jokes

    The top ten reasons to play the oboe:

    10. People pay attention long enough to figure out what the heck that thing is that you're playing.
    9. Learning to transpose music as you play (from reading flute parts)
    8. the case is a good weapon in emergencies; bigger than a flute case, can still act as a shield, and yet is still portable!
    7. If you lose your music, the bells always have the same part.
    6. If you lose your music, the flutes always have the same part.
    5. If you lose your music, somebody at some point in the piece has the same part!
    4. You can always hide in the clarinet section.
    3. No one cares if you're not heard.
    2. You always get your own stand.
    1. No competition!!! (at least, not in the same band)

    Top 5 reasons NOT to play the Oboe

    5. Oboe reeds are more expensive than clarinet or sax reeds.
    4. Having to learn to transpose music as you play (because there's not an oboe part in at least half the pieces the band will perform!)
    3. Cutting your tongue on the reed.
    2. Flutes hitting you in the shoulder.
    1. Having to explain that it's an oboe and not a clarinet, every single day. (It will also be incumbent upon you to explain what the what is for. Only every other day, but it takes longer to explain why you have to soak your reed in water instead of using spit, especially for regular reed instrument players.

    (The only editing that I did to any of these reasons is in the 5 reasons not to, I tok number 1 and made it 3 and made what was #3 #1.)

    What's the difference between an oboist and a psychiatric ward patient?
    The oboist just hasn't been caught yet

    What's the difference between a bad oboist and a scud missile?
    A bad oboist can kill you

    Orchestra Personell Standards
    (These are selections from my favorite ones; there are ones for conductor, concertmaster, oboist, bassoonist, trumpet player, second violinist, manager, and horn player)

    Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds
    Is almost as powerful as a switch engine
    Is almost as fast as a speeding bullet
    Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool
    Talks with God if a special request is approved.

    Second Violinist
    Runs into buildings
    Recognizes locomotives two times out of three
    Is not issued any ammunition
    Can stay afloat with a life jacket
    Talks to walls, argues with self

    Falls over doorsteps when trying to enter buildings
    Says "Look at the choo-choo"
    Plays in mud puddles
    Loses arguments with self

    Horn Player
    Lifts buildings and walks under them
    Kicks locomotives off the tracks
    Catches speeding bullets in teeth and eats them
    Freezes water with a single glance
    is God

    The last one is my favorite! lol

    Have good oboe jokes? Let's hear them!

  2. #2
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    LOL. ..............

  3. #3
    Senior Member soundandfury's Avatar
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    You've probably heard these before...
    How do you get two oboists in tune?
    Shoot one.
    (edit: that's why you can never find two oboists)

    The viol-family jokes can be quite good too...
    Why is a viola better than a violin?
    It burns longer.
    Last edited by soundandfury; Jul-12-2008 at 19:12. Reason: just thought of something else

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