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Thread: Your favorite funny exam answer(s).

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    Senior Member Posie's Avatar
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    Default Your favorite funny exam answer(s).

    This one my past geology professor announced to the class.


    #14. What is regolith? .... I hate science!

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    Sr. Moderator Taggart's Avatar
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    1066 and All That is based on exam howlers. Great idea for a thread.
    Music begins where words leave off. Music expresses the inexpressible.

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    Attachment 64672

    A classic, which most of us will have seen by now.

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    Senior Member Giordano's Avatar
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    From Anguished English by Richard Lederer

    The World According to Student Bloopers

    One of the fringe benefits of being an English or History teacher is receiving the occasional jewel of a student blooper in an essay. I have pasted together the following "history" of the world from certifiably genuine student bloopers collected by teachers throughout the United States, from eight grade through college level. Read carefully, and you will learn a lot.

    The inhabitants of ancient Egypt were called mummies. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so certain areas of the dessert are cultivated by irritation. The Egyptians built the Pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube. The Pramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.

    The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, once asked, "Am I my brother’s son?" God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac on Mount Montezuma. Jacob, son of Isaac, stole his brother’s birth mark. Jacob was a patriarch who brought up his twelve sons to be patriarchs, but they did not take to it. One of Jacob’s sons, Joseph, gave refuse to the Israelites.

    Pharaoh forced the Hebrew slaves to make bread without straw. Moses led them to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Philatelists, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 500 wives and 500 porcupines.

    Without the Greeks we wouldn’t have history. The Greeks invented three kinds of columns –- Corinthian, Doric, and Ironic. They also had myths. A myth is a female moth. One myth says that the mother of Achilles dipped him in the River Stynx until he became intolerable. Achilles appears in The Iliad, by Homer. Homer also wrote The Oddity, in which Penelope was the last hardship that Ulysses endured on his journey. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.

    Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.

    The Renaissance was an age in which more individuals felt the value of their human being. Martin Luther was nailed to the church door at Wittenberg for selling papal indulgences. He died a horrible death, being excommunicated by a bull. It was the painter Donatello’s interest in the female nude that made him the father of the Renaissance. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented the Bible. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.

    Then came the Middle Ages. King Alfred conquered the Danes, King Arthur lived in the Age of Shivery, King Harold mustarded his troups before the Battle of Hastings, Joan of Arc was cannonized by Bernard Shaw, and victims of the Black Death grew boobs on their necks. Finally, Magna Carta provided that no free man should be hanged twice for the same offense.

    During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe. Later, the Pilgrims crossed the Ocean, and this was known as Pilgrims Progress.

    George Washington married Martha Curtis and in due time became the Father of Our Country. Then the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under the Constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.

    Abraham Lincoln became America’s greatest Precedent. Lincoln’s mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. When Lincoln was President, he wore only a tall silk hat. He said, "In onion there is strength." Abraham Lincoln wrote the Gettysburg Address while traveling from Washington to Gettysburg on the back of an envelope. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth’s career.

    The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. Her reclining years and finally the end of her life were exemplatory of a great personality. Her death was the final event which ended her reign.

    The nineteenth century was a time of many great inventions and thoughts. The invention of the steam boat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Samuel Morse invented a code of telepathy. Louis Pasteur invented a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of Species. Madman Curie discovered radium. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.

    The First World War, caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by a surf, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history.

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    Senior Member SiegendesLicht's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giordano View Post
    The First World War, caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by a surf, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history.
    I think he got that one right
    ... yet for us will still remain the holy German art... (Die Meistersinger von Nürnberg)
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    But since our hearts are small,
    Ordained for each one spot should prove
    Beloved over all.
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    Senior Member elgars ghost's Avatar
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    I believe poor ol' Charlie Brown got mercilessly mocked for this:

    Teacher: Why does it rain so much in Oregon?

    CB: Because they have so many clouds.

    '...a violator of his word, a libertine over head and ears in debt and disgrace, a despiser of domestic ties, the companion of gamblers and demireps, a man who has just closed half a century without a single claim on the gratitude of his country or the respect of posterity...' - Leigh Hunt on the Prince Regent (later George IV).

    ὃν οἱ θεοὶ φιλοῦσιν ἀποθνῄσκει νέος [Those whom the gods love die young] - Menander

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    Quote Originally Posted by Giordano View Post
    From Anguished English by Richard Lederer

    The World According to Student Bloopers <...snip...>
    These are very amusing. I am extremely skeptical of their legitimacy as "student bloopers." This kind of stuff is rightfully very popular around the internet, but there are many elements that do not ring true.

    There was a time when certain kinds of adventure fiction began with the author asserting that what he was about to tell was the absolute truth. I've always found such openings to be unnecessary, though perhaps in the age of exploration people were more gullible than they are today and sales of these books may have been helped by widespread belief in them as chronicles rather than fiction.

    This persists occasionally even today. The movie Fargo claims in the opening to be based on true events, though in the interview the directors admit it's entirely made up. I found it a real breath of fresh air the first time I heard a storyteller begin by saying "What I am about to tell you are lies."

    I think that sometimes these sorts of exam answers are given by students who know perfectly well they are being silly. I've done that myself. Don't know the answer? Make up a funny one. Since I've done that, I'm sure others have as well. If I can't get official credit for knowing the answer, maybe I can get a bit of under-the-table credit for giving the teacher a laugh.

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    Senior Member Posie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by spokanedaniel View Post
    These are very amusing. I am extremely skeptical of their legitimacy as "student bloopers." This kind of stuff is rightfully very popular around the internet, but there are many elements that do not ring true.

    There was a time when certain kinds of adventure fiction began with the author asserting that what he was about to tell was the absolute truth. I've always found such openings to be unnecessary, though perhaps in the age of exploration people were more gullible than they are today and sales of these books may have been helped by widespread belief in them as chronicles rather than fiction.

    This persists occasionally even today. The movie Fargo claims in the opening to be based on true events, though in the interview the directors admit it's entirely made up. I found it a real breath of fresh air the first time I heard a storyteller begin by saying "What I am about to tell you are lies."

    I think that sometimes these sorts of exam answers are given by students who know perfectly well they are being silly. I've done that myself. Don't know the answer? Make up a funny one. Since I've done that, I'm sure others have as well. If I can't get official credit for knowing the answer, maybe I can get a bit of under-the-table credit for giving the teacher a laugh.
    What you say might be true of one or two of them (from the older students), and another one or two might have been embellished for the story, but most of them are conceivably genuine. It may be difficult to relate if you've been a super smart student as long as you can remember. I had average grades through my primary years, and especially after reading my 1st and 2nd grade journals as an adult, I can easily imagine myself writing something like that. I have also heard many anecdotes from K-12 teachers that sound very similar.

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    Retired TurnaboutVox's Avatar
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    The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West.
    Impeccable logic, from a certain standpoint

    Queen Victoria['s]... death was the final event which ended her reign.
    Indubitably so!

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    Senior Member pianississimo's Avatar
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    Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.
    Probably my favourite bit. It's all hilarious!!
    I wonder if many of them are suffering from Microsoft or Google spelling corrections? The student spells the word wrong, the word processor suggests a correction and the student thinks it looks close enough. So you get a piece which is spelled perfectly but utter dribble!

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    Member spokanedaniel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pianississimo View Post
    I wonder if many of them are suffering from Microsoft or Google spelling corrections? The student spells the word wrong, the word processor suggests a correction and the student thinks it looks close enough. So you get a piece which is spelled perfectly but utter dribble!
    You don't really need a spelling corrector to obtain utter drivel from the internet. But you do make a good point.

    A lot of the "exam answers" sound like the sort of misunderstandings that small children often have. But these are supposed to be exam answers, not very little kids' confusions about similar-sounding words.

    The bits are fun. I just don't think it's necessary to claim they are genuine exam answers.

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    Senior Member Giordano's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pianississimo View Post
    [Re: student bloopers]
    I wonder if many of them are suffering from Microsoft or Google spelling corrections? The student spells the word wrong, the word processor suggests a correction and the student thinks it looks close enough. So you get a piece which is spelled perfectly but utter dribble!
    I read the book more than three decades ago. All the bloopers were collected before the age of personal computers.

    Last edited by Giordano; Feb-25-2015 at 23:02.

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    Retired TurnaboutVox's Avatar
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    An English teacher in Japan asked their students to answer the question “What would you do if you were shipwrecked on an island?” One student’s answer was so deep and existential, it read like poetry.

    "Shipwreck"

    'We will enjoy swimming, because it’s fun to swim.
    We will do my homework, because it’s fun to do homework..
    We will play soccer, because it’s fun to play soccer.
    We will wait for death, because we can’t do anything'.

    Well, if that doesn’t just put a chill in your bones!
    -from "RocketNews24": Bringing you yesterday's news from Japan and Asia, today.

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    In middle school, I guessed that the killing of people in a certain area was called "circumcide".

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    Retired TurnaboutVox's Avatar
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    Originally posted by CBD

    In middle school, I guessed that the killing of people in a certain area was called "circumcide".

    I'm guessing your teacher's response was quite snippy...

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