Likes Likes:  0
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 21

Thread: Music jokes

  1. #1
    Senior Member Yoshi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    400
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Music jokes

    Share yours

    What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
    A flat minor.

    What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?
    A flat major.

    What's the difference between God and a conductor?
    God knows He's not a conductor.

    What do you call someone who hangs out with musicians?
    A drummer.


    A drummer, sick of all the drummer jokes, decides to change his instrument. After some thought, he decides on the accordion. So he goes to the music store and says to the owner, "I'd like to look at the accordions, please."

    The owner gestures to a shelf in the corner and says "All our accordions are over there."

    After browsing, the drummer says, "I think I'd like the big red one in the corner."

    The store owner looks at him and says, "You're a drummer, aren't you?"

    The drummer asks, "How did you know?"

    The store owner says, "That big red accordion' is the radiator."

  2. #2
    Member Zeniyama's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    Earth
    Posts
    73
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    I have one...

    What do you do when a musician knocks on your door?
    You give him the money and take the pizza.
    "Writing in English is the most ingenious torture ever devised for sins committed in previous lives. The English reading public explains the reason why. "

    -James Joyce

  3. #3
    Member Zeniyama's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    Earth
    Posts
    73
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    A few more...

    A drummer, who was fed-up with being treated as less of a musician by his friends, decided on learning a different type of musical instrument to shut them up. He went down to the music store, and after a while of searching and careful consideration, went to the cashier and said "I'd like to buy that red trumpet hanging on the wall over there and that large accordion over there in the corner." The cashier looks at him a bit dumbfounded and after a minute's silence says "Well, I can probably let you have the fire extiguisher, but the radiator stays here!"

    Why is a bassoon better than an oboe?
    A bassoon burns longer.

    What's perfect pitch?
    Tossing a clarinet into the toilet without hitting the sides.

    How can you tell that a stage is completely level?
    You can see the drool coming out of both sides of the drummer's mouth.
    "Writing in English is the most ingenious torture ever devised for sins committed in previous lives. The English reading public explains the reason why. "

    -James Joyce

  4. #4
    Senior Member Weston's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    Tennessee
    Posts
    6,939
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    Bah - I don't know any musical jokes. I'm too busy listening to music, like the work I'm hearing tonight called Symphony on a French Mountain Air for piano and orchestra. I have no idea who wrote it, but the person who loaned it assures me it's a dandy piece.

  5. #5
    Banned
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Georgia, United States
    Posts
    3,636
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Weston View Post
    Bah - I don't know any musical jokes. I'm too busy listening to music, like the work I'm hearing tonight called Symphony on a French Mountain Air for piano and orchestra. I have no idea who wrote it, but the person who loaned it assures me it's a dandy piece.
    Weston, "Symphony on a French Mountain Air" is by French composer Vincent d'Indy. Just to let you know.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Yoshi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    400
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    Q. How can you tell a bagpiper with perfect pitch?
    A. He can throw a set into the middle of a pond and not hit any of the ducks.

    Q: How do you tell when your lead singer is at the door?
    A: He can't find the key and doesn't know when to come in.

    Q: Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?
    A: Because he's Haydn.

    Q: What's musical and handy in a supermarket?
    A: A Chopin Liszt.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Weston's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    Tennessee
    Posts
    6,939
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Mirror Image View Post
    Weston, "Symphony on a French Mountain Air" is by French composer Vincent d'Indy. Just to let you know.
    Thanks, MI. I guess I need to work on my punch line delivery.

  8. #8
    Member Padawan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    Sanford, FL
    Posts
    75
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Jan View Post
    Q. How can you tell a bagpiper with perfect pitch?
    A. He can throw a set into the middle of a pond and not hit any of the ducks.

    Q: How do you tell when your lead singer is at the door?
    A: He can't find the key and doesn't know when to come in.

    Q: Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?
    A: Because he's Haydn.

    Q: What's musical and handy in a supermarket?
    A: A Chopin Liszt.
    Those are funny. I especially liked the first one.

  9. #9
    Senior Member andruini's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Bat Country
    Posts
    716
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    Here's some I know:

    How do you get a guitarist to stop playing?
    You put sheet music in front of him.
    How do you get a pianist to stop playing?
    You take his sheet music away.

    What is the first thing a soprano does in the morning?
    Get dressed and go back home.
    (Ok, that one's mean )

    Knock knock.
    Who's there?
    Knock knock.
    Who's there?
    Knock knock.
    Who's there?
    Knock knock.
    Who's there?
    Knock knock.
    Who's there?
    Knock knock.
    Who's there?
    Philip Glass.

    I'll think of more later..
    Life is a long lesson in humility.

  10. #10
    Member Zeniyama's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    Earth
    Posts
    73
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    What's the difference between a Wagnerian Soprano and a Wagnerian Tenor?
    About ten pounds.

    What do you call ten accordions at the bottom of the ocean?
    A good start.

    What's an oboe good for?
    Lighting a bassoon on fire.

    What's a bassoon good for?
    Kindling for an accordion fire.

    Why's the french horn a divine instrument?
    Because a man blows in it, but only God knows what comes out of it.
    "Writing in English is the most ingenious torture ever devised for sins committed in previous lives. The English reading public explains the reason why. "

    -James Joyce

  11. #11
    Banned
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Georgia, United States
    Posts
    3,636
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Weston View Post
    Thanks, MI. I guess I need to work on my punch line delivery.
    I didn't realize you were making a joke.

  12. #12
    Member Bgroovy2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Tidewater Va.
    Posts
    53
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    Two violists go fishing and one falls out of the boat. He screams---help, I don't know how to swim. His buddy then yells back at him.......just fake it!

  13. #13
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    283
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    Why are viola jokes so short?
    So violinists can understand them.

    Did you hear about the bassist who was so out of tune his section noticed?

    Lute players spend half their time tuning their instrument and the other half playing out of tune.

    A conductor and a violist are standing in the middle of the road. which one do you run over first, and why?
    The conductor. Business before pleasure.

  14. #14
    Member michael walsh's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Spain (winter) Latvia (su
    Posts
    52
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    My two favourite descriptions of the percussionist section:

    The bang gang

    The Kitchen Department

  15. #15
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    120
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Jan View Post
    Q: Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?
    A: Because he's Haydn.
    This is a true story, not a joke, but it sounds as if it were a bad joke. Poor Haydn wasn't hiding as well as did Mozart in the cemetery: a kind of body-snatcher found his grave and stole his... head! In fact, he wanted to study Haydn's head for a "scientific" purpose: according to a then fashionable theory the form of the head reflects mental abilities. This musical thief wanted to find out why Haydn was such a big genius.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 23
    Last Post: Nov-14-2018, 03:41
  2. Tonal music and cliche
    By JANK in forum Classical Music Discussion
    Replies: 52
    Last Post: Dec-29-2017, 15:27
  3. Breadth or Depth
    By BuddhaBandit in forum Classical Music Discussion
    Replies: 31
    Last Post: Aug-27-2013, 20:13
  4. Stile Antico - Renaissance
    By kg4fxg in forum Musicians
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: Jun-26-2009, 07:44

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •