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Thread: Is falling in love with a piece comparable to falling in love with a spouse?

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    Default Is falling in love with a piece comparable to falling in love with a spouse?

    I don’t know what its like to have a spouse but once in a while I will discover a piece that brightens my world in a way I assume is similar to falling in love.

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    Senior Member mbhaub's Avatar
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    Not even close. The love of a spouse is greater than the "love" of any work of art. On the other hand, if you divorce the spouse you can still keep the music.
    "It is surprising how easily one can become used to bad music" - F. Mendelssohn

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    Senior Member Rogerx's Avatar
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    Topic from this week .
    “Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.” ― Mark Twain

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    Senior Member Captainnumber36's Avatar
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    I think so.............

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    Quote Originally Posted by level82rat View Post
    I don’t know what its like to have a spouse but once in a while I will discover a piece that brightens my world in a way I assume is similar to falling in love.
    Then you might like to have a partner to be in love with so you can compare and analyze the situation first.

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    Moderator Art Rock's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by level82rat View Post
    I don’t know what its like to have a spouse...
    Once you know, you'll realize that it is lightyears away from loving a piece of music.

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    Senior Member Sid James's Avatar
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    Its definitely true for some top musicians, by necessity they're basically married to their job. I'm not only talking about ones who don't marry (Boulez comes to mind) but also those who are or have partners, in the way music dominates their life. This isn't necessarily negative, but it does mean that they have to try extra hard to find balance in their lives.

    The process of creating music has been compared by some to giving birth. When asked what was the favourite piece he composed, Peter Sculthorpe said that he couldn't choose because his compositions where like children to him (he never married, and had no children).

    As a listener, it is different. While music does bring out positive emotions, engages us intellectually, has a healing element and so on, it isn't the same. At least with regards to music, listeners have much more freedom than musicians.

    Perhaps people who play or compose without it being a career (or their main career) have the best of both worlds?
    Last edited by Sid James; Apr-14-2021 at 05:50.
    Genuine ersatz classical listener since 1981.

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    Senior Member MatthewWeflen's Avatar
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    Analogies:
    -Your appreciation for each can change over time
    -Fulfillment over a wide variety of emotional and intellectual registers
    -High quality headphones allow for taking walks with a piece of music, just like a person

    Disanalogies:
    -Human relationships are interactive, and the outputs/expectations from both ends change over time.
    -A spouse can fall in or out of love with you
    -You can't procreate with a piece of music

    I'm going to say the disanalogies outweigh the analogies here. It's an amusing little thought, but ultimately one best discarded.
    Last edited by MatthewWeflen; Apr-14-2021 at 07:21.

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    No, it is quite different

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    Senior Member Bulldog's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by level82rat View Post
    I don’t know what its like to have a spouse but once in a while I will discover a piece that brightens my world in a way I assume is similar to falling in love.
    If you end up finding it similar, you've made a poor marriage decision.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bulldog View Post
    If you end up finding it similar, you've made a poor marriage decision.
    That is subjective as to what constitutes a happy marriage. There is no objectivity in what is a happy marriage or a great marriage. There is no inherent greatness nor happiness in any marriage, it is all subjective.

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    I'm not married but I got pretty close once, there have been a couple of other gals I fell for along the way and, bearing in mind that the OP asks about a comparison with falling (i.e.the process) rather than being (i.e.the end result) in love, I reckon there are sometimes similarities in the way one increasingly gets to know, then like, then more than like the person/piece of music in question .

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    Senior Member mikeh375's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sid James View Post
    Its definitely true for some top musicians, by necessity they're basically married to their job. I'm not only talking about ones who don't marry (Boulez comes to mind) but also those who are or have partners, in the way music dominates their life. This isn't necessarily negative, but it does mean that they have to try extra hard to find balance in their lives.

    You're not wrong Sid. I was working on 3 timezones across the world, taking calls in the middle of the night sometimes. My saving grace was that I mostly worked from home but even then with long hours, I still felt at times that I was losing touch with my wife and tried to make up for that. Much easier these days and music is a love shared between us.
    Last edited by mikeh375; Apr-14-2021 at 12:58.

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    Senior Member allaroundmusicenthusiast's Avatar
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    I've only fallen in love once with a person (still with her), and I was close to falling in love with another. Even being close to falling in love with a person is much more intense than falling in love with a piece of music. I don't know if the specific feelings are different, sometimes music gives me a rush which is comparable to some of the things that come with loving someone else, be it as a friend or as a lover. What is completely different, at least for me, is that my love for my partner is stronger, more intense as I said, and it has lasted longer (and hopefully will last for the rest of my life) than my love -that burning love- for any piece of music.

    And on the subject of music taking over people's lives, I agree. Even those great musicians -and artists, or mostly any kind of genius who devotes themselves to something completely- that did get married were mostly lousy spouses and parents.
    Last edited by allaroundmusicenthusiast; Apr-14-2021 at 13:05.

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    Senior Member Phil loves classical's Avatar
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    I think it's similar to the first stage of falling in love. The music you love and the significant other only speaks the way and when you want them to. Paradoxically it's the other stages where the spouse can mean much more. The person is more alive, has own thoughts and feelings, and not designed with a specific goal or slant like the music is.
    "Forgive me, Majesty. I'm a vulgar man. But I assure you, my music is not.“ Mozart

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