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Uncyclopedia's Satirical Take on Classical Music Composers

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Satire is primarily a literary genre or form, although in practice it can also be found in the graphic and performing arts. In satire, vices, follies, abuses, and shortcomings are held up to ridicule, ideally with the intent of shaming individuals, and society itself, into improvement.[1] Although satire is usually meant to be funny, its greater purpose is often constructive social criticism, using wit as a weapon.

“Robert Schumann; what can I say? very little.”
~ Oscar Wilde

“I would rather paper-cut my own scrotum than listen to Schumann's music. ”
~ Tony Blair, 1997

“What sarcasm is to wit, Schumann is to music.”
~ Oscar Wilde

“A little Schumann is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal. ”
~ Oscar Wilde

“I guess I had more to say about Schumann than I first expected. ”
~ Oscar Wilde

“For there's Basie, Miller, Sachimo And the king of all Schumann, And with a voice like Ella's ringing out There's no way the band can lose. ”
~ Stevie Wonder

“Brahms can feel her a-all o-o-over, Brahms can feel her a-all over yeah”
~ Stevie Wonder

“Schumann is more boring than most people realise.”
~ Winston (Churchy) Churchill

“He's gay?!? All those afternoons I spent with him, and I thought that he just wanted to fluff my pillow to make me comfy”

~ Oscar Wilde on Franz Schubert

“The one composer who isn't Jewish, is rubbish!!! What a disappointment.”

~ Wagner on Franz Schubert

“Dun-dun-dun Duuuuuuuhhhhhh will go down as MY creation...suck it, bitches!!”
~ Ludwig the pimp marks his historical legacy

“How can I compose with all deez hoes?”
~ Beethoven on bitches

My music is not modern, it is merely badly played.”
~ Arnold Schoenberg's greatest understatement

“He would be better off cleaning latrines.”
~ Richard Strauss

“Arnie's discovery of the B Major scale was both shocking and slightly erotic.”
~ Tony Blair
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Classical Music , Composers


  1. peeyaj's Avatar
    Frankly, I can't stop laughing reading this from Uncyclopedia..