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Three Tales of Madness

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Antony - an Idiot - recently planned to propose to his girlfriend, but has recently been dumped. The female in question, Chloe - a Sociopath - decided to dispose of him for some unknowable reason, yet no tears have been shed, no lovers' routines discarded, as they experienced that rare brand of true love which isn't missed when it's undone. Naturally, having been a former couple of ten-dates-long (each of them in the peculiar company of Chloe's mother), the pair became friends on facebook. And, naturally, facebook-friend contracts being what they are, they remained friends online though enemies offline.

Chloe - a vindictive Sociopath - began spreading facebook rumours (which in turn became real-world slurs) about Antony, which I understand to have some vague relation to paedophilia and other perversions. Antony - an asinine Idiot - decided to leave a comment for her cyber-self saying something similar to: "My God, dear woman, won't you please shut the **** up about the size of my manhood or I shall surely burn down your abode." A direct quotation eludes me, but I believe it may look something like this: "STFU lolz or Ill ****** buRn ur hous down."

Antony - an immature, asinine Idiot - thus warped even further Chloe's demented view of the world. Of course, having been a long-standing couple in the most intimate of relationships, Chloe - a deluded, vindictive Sociopath - knew Antony inside out. She knew of his juvenile, harmless ways, as well as the emptiness of any threat he might ever make, which is precisely why she called the police frightened for her life.

I'm sure anybody with the merest sprinkling of class prejudice can imagine an on-the-dole chav with a pet knife, Kenny, in his pocket, who would cut any wayward girlfriend a new ********, this being the culprit the police sought. However, Antony - a timid, immature, asinine Idiot - could not raise his fist at anyone or anything, though foolish enough to say that he will. So, the police came a-knocking, asking poor Mum where the woman-beating chav was, but she convinced them that he was not a woman-beating chav at all, just a meat-beating late-adolescent. The police procured a phone number, told Antony to STOP ******* THREATENING HIS EX, and left him in need of new underwear.
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Tags: fiction, prose
Personal , Other , Literature


  1. clavichorder's Avatar
    LOL. This is my kind of humor. You wrote this? It reminds me of a blunter version of this book I read recently called "about a boy" by David Hornby, you've got the british thing going! "not a woman beating chav at all, just just a meat beating late adolescent" It had a happy ending.
  2. Polednice's Avatar
    :D I'm glad you liked it! Yes, I did write it myself - fairly recently, and based on the factual shenanigans of my strange older brother. :p
  3. jdavid's Avatar
    Great stuff, Po, if asked to relate the story or else, I'd be better off shooting myself, but I laughed all the way through!
  4. rattzzable's Avatar
    Wow, the three story's sound like a happy Jesus story with a Jungian personality theory widely missed with a Freudian linguistic downfall of modern society due to couch based web wisdom