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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hey, post some entertaining stuffs here...need not be jokes. Lets's help each other unwind. :lol:

1.)String player's motto: "It's better to be sharp than be out of tune". :blink:

2.)How can you tell if a violin is out of tune?
The bow is moving.

3.)What do you call a person who plays the viola?
A violator. :D

4.)Wait until well into the rehearsal before letting the conductor know you don't have the music. :blink:

5.)Did you hear about the violist who bragged that he could play 32nd notes?
The rest of the orchestra didn't believe him, so he proved it by playing one! <_<

6.)What is the difference between a violin and a viola?
A viola burns longer.

7.)What is the similarity between lightning and a violinist's fingers?
They both never strike the same place twice. :D

8.)What is the difference between a violin and a trampoline?
You take off your shoes to jump on the trampoline.

9.)How do you make a violist play downbow staccato?
Put a tenuto mark over a whole note and mark it solo.

10.)What is a chord?
Three violin players trying to play unison. :D

11.)Why don't violists play hide and seek?
Because no-one will look for them.

12.)J.S. Bach died from 1750 to the present.

13.)Why do bagpipers always walk when they play?
They're trying to get away from the noise. :lol:

14.)What's the least-used sentence in the English language?
"Isn't that the banjo player's Porsche?"

15.)Why are orchestra intermissions only 20 minutes long?
So the string section doesn't need to be retrained.

16.)How was the canon invented?
Two violinists were trying to play the same passage together. :D

17.)What is the definition of a major seventh?
A violist playing octaves.

18.)How can you tell if the stage is level?
The violists drool from both sides of their mouths. :lol:

19.)What's the difference between a violin and a lawnmover?
You can tune a lawnmower.

20.)How do you keep your violin from getting stolen?
Put it in a viola case.

21.)What's the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
A fiddle is fun to listen to.

I thought 13 and 18. was really funny.

121 Posts
...only strings stuff?

What's the difference between a 7-foot piano and a 9-foot piano?
The 9-footer makes a bigger KABOOM when dropped off a cliff. :D

What is the purpose of a piano?
The musician has to have a place to put his beer.

Two old piano jokes:
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.
What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.

What's the difference between a bull and an orchestra?
The bull has the horns in front and the ******* in the back. :lol:

Did you hear about the bassist who was so out of tune his section noticed?

Guitar (strum):
Two words never in the same sentence: guitarist, reads.

How do you make a violist play flying spiccato?
Mark a whole note legato, forte, and solo.

Next two long viola jokes:
In order to save money, the musicians decided to build their Union Hall themselves. As they proceeded to do the job, gradually the hierarchy of the musicians was reflected in the jobs that they did. The violists found themselves at the bottom of a ditch doing the nastiest of the digging. Above them, supervising, was a trumpet player. One violist turned to another and asked, "How come we're working down here and he's working up there?"
The other responded, "I don't know, but I'll go up there and ask."
The violist crawled up to the top of the ditch. "Why are we down there digging while you're up here supervising?" the violist asked the trumpeter.
"Because I'm smarter than you," was the reply.
"Huh? I don't understand," the confused violist said.
"Allow me to demonstrate," said the trumpeter. He walked up to the nearest tree, put out his open hand in front of the tree and said to the violist, "Hit my hand!"
The violist reared back with his fist and shot a punch at the trumpeter's open hand. At the last instant, the trumpeter moved his hand out of the way so that the violist's fist went slamming into the tree.
"OW!," cried the violist, "I see what you mean." He then returned to the ditch and his friend waiting below.
"Well," said the other violist, "did you find out why he's up there and we're down here?"
"Yes," said the violist, whose hand was still throbbing, "it's because he's smarter than us."
"I don't understand," said his friend.
"Allow me to demonstrate," said the violist. He then took his open hand and placed it in front of his own face.
"Now," he said, "hit my hand with your shovel!"

Entry Exam For The BBC Symphony Orchestra--Viola Players
The pass mark is 10% but be careful--over 45% and you are overqualified.

Who wrote the following:
a) Beethoven's Symphony No. 6
B) Fauré's Requiem
c) Wagner's Ring Cycle
[5 pts.]

Tschaikovsky wrote 6 symphonies including Symphony no. 4. Name the other five.
[5 pts.]

Explain "counterpoint" or write your name on the reverse of the paper.
[10 pts.]

Which of the following would you tuck under you chin?
a) a timpani
B) an organ
c) a 'cello
d) a viola
[1 pt.]

Can you explain "sonata form"? (Answer yes or no.)
[5 pts.]

Which of the following literary works was made the subject of a Verdi opera?
a) First among Equals -- Jeffrey Archer
B) Macbeth -- William Shakespeare
c) Noddy and Big Ears -- Enid Blyton
[5 pts.]

Domenico Scarlatti wrote 555 harpsichord sonatas for which instrument?
[5 pts.]

Arrange the following movements in order of speed, starting with the slowest first.
a) Quickly
B) Slowly
c) Very Quickly
d) At a Moderate Pace
[4 pts.]

Where would you normally expect to find the conductor during a performance?
[5 pts.]

Which of the following wrote incidental music to A Midsummer Night's Dream?
a) Des O'Connor
B) Mickey Mouse
c) Felix Mendelssohn Bartholdy
d) Terry Wogan
[5 pts.]

Which of the following is the odd one out?
a) Sir Colin Davis
B) Andrew Davis
c) Sir Peter Maxwell Davies
d) Desmond Lynham
[5 pts.]

Arrange the following words into the name of a well known Puccini opera.
Bohème, La
[5 pts.]

Within five minutes, how long is Chopin's Minute Waltz?
[5 pts.]

From which of the following countries did Richard Strauss come?
a) Venezuela
B) Sri Lanka
c) Germany
d) Japan
[5 pts.]

For what town were Haydn's "Paris" Symphonies written?
[5 pts.]

Which is the odd one out?
a) Fantasy Overture Romeo and Juliet -- Tchaikovsky
B) Romeo and Juliet -- Berlioz
c) Romeo and Juliet Ballet -- Prokofiev
d) Ten Green Bottles -- anon.
[5 pts.]

From which song do the following lines come?
"God save our gracious Queen, Long live our noble Queen."
[5 pts.]

Spell the following musical terms.
[5 pts.]

Tosca is a character found in which Puccini opera?
[5 pts.]

Arrange the following letters to form the abbreviation for a well known British broadcasting corporation.
C, B, B.
[5 pts.]
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