[mikeh375]

She was only the tarmac layers daughter but she didn't mind her asphalt.

 

[pianozach]

Did you hear about the bass player that locked his keys in his car?

It was awful. It was starting to rain, and he'd left the top down.

Even worse, the drummer was locked inside.

 

[Kjetil Heggelund]

Last night we got 11 requests for "Uptown Funk" and we played them all.

 

[NoCoPilot]

Did you hear about the bass player that locked his keys in his car?
It was awful. It was starting to rain, and he'd left the top down.
Even worse, the drummer was locked inside.

What do you call a bass player with a job? The driver.

 

[pianozach]

How do you know when the stage is level?

The drummer drools out of both sides of his mouth.

 

[pianozach]

What's the difference between a large pizza and a bass player?

A large pizza can feed a family of four.

 

[marlow]

I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. I can’t put it down!

 

[NoCoPilot]

I asked my TV remote for "a light Romantic Comedy." It gave me Don Pasquale!

 

[SixFootScowl]

So Sven, Arne and Ole are out hunting and they happen upon some tracks. Sven says " Doze are deer tracks!" Arne replies, "No, Sven look how big dey are. Doze are moose tracks! Say, Ole don't doze look like moose tracks to you?"
Before Ole could answer, all three were hit by the train.

 

[NoCoPilot]

When Tony The Human Cannonball retired from the circus, they had to close down the act. They couldn't find a replacement of his caliber.

 

[NoCoPilot]

How do you get down off a horse?

You don't. You get down off a goose.

 

[pianozach]

If you put a down pillow up on a high shelf, is the down up?

 

[Art Rock]

I know it's a long shot but does anyone know what a trebuchet is?

 

[parlando]

Wait until the guys below compose music.

 

[parlando]

So an Artificial Intelligence Robot from Tesla and an Artificial Intelligence Robot from Google and an Artificial Intelligence Robot from Amazon are out studying topography and they happen upon some tracks. The AI from Tesla says "Those are deer tracks!" The Amazon AI replies, "No, Tesla, look how big they are. Those are moose tracks! Say, Google, don't those look like moose tracks to you?"
Before Google could answer, all three were hit by the train.

 

[NoCoPilot]

Were the AIs named Sven, Ole and Arne? (#1669)

Listen, my wife just called me a perfect idiot. I protested, "But Hon, nobody's perfect!"

 

[Art Rock]

Some one-liners I came across just now:

“DO NOT TOUCH” must be one of the most terrifying things to read in braille.

If your Tesla gets stolen, is it called an Edison now?

The adjective for metal is metallic, but not so for iron, which is ironic

Why the hell did they name them 'Soldier ants' and not 'Combatants'?

An interviewer asked me how well i can perform under pressure; I said I’m much better at Bohemian Rhapsody.

 

[John O]

Have you heard about the Vampire who was a terrible organist?
He Bach was worse than his bite.

Why did Chopin have a very shiny piano?
Because he was was French Polish

George II : Are you sure everything is organised for my firework party tonight?
Courtier: Yes, your majesty, all under control
George II: Do the caterer's know what to do?
Courtier: Yes, I went through it all with them this morning
George II: And the music, you've sorted out the music?
Courtier: Yes, I have got a Handel on that.

 

[bagpipers]

Visualize this meme!
The Geico Gecko standing there saying:

I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance!

By switching to reverse and leaving the scene!😁

 

[Art Rock]

@bagpipers: I visualized it.